


put your emptiness to melody

by tiffaniesblews



Series: cross my heart, hope to die [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Feels, Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Minor Aang/Katara, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Katara (Avatar), Past Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Slow Burn, except for some instances, the comics do not exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffaniesblews/pseuds/tiffaniesblews
Summary: Fate and destiny are fickle things.At least, that's what Katara has been telling herself in the years since the end of the Hundred Year War. She tells herself that she's happy with her life, happy in her relationship with Aang since that is what fate has assigned to her. Yet as time moves on, Katara finds herself restless with her fate, unhappy with the future that's apparently been made for her.As time creeps forward, Katara begins to wonder if destiny has more in store for her. Especially since the one person she knows her destiny should never mix with is constantly on her mind.
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Katara & Suki (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Toph Beifong & Katara
Series: cross my heart, hope to die [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044414
Comments: 97
Kudos: 86





	1. know this beat too well

**Author's Note:**

> I have been fantasizing about this for a really long time, so I have an idea of where this is going. Rating is "M" for right now, just in case this goes where I am planning. 
> 
> This fic is a sequel to "quick to tell me goodbye", but it can be read alone.

Katara sits on Appa’s back, leaning up against the side of the saddle, staring out into the vast, clear blue sky. Her elbow rests on top of the saddle, her chin in the palm of her hand as she is lost in thought. She pays no attention to the boy, man really, who steers Appa in the right direction. Momo flies up and around Katara’s head, her hair flowing slightly as it catches the air. She smiles and lifts the hand not supporting her head to try and grab at Momo, who just chitters in displeasure. 

“Momo, be nice,” Aang chides, turning around and glancing at the flying lemur who is now circling Katara’s head as she tries as hard as she can to grab at him. 

“It’s okay, Aang, I’m the one riling him up,” Katara tells him, finally giving up on her quarry and adjusting herself so that she is now facing Aang full on. 

“Hmm,” Aang hums, giving her a small smile, “if you say so.”

“I do,” she assures him, watching as Momo flies up to Aang and rests on his shoulder. Aang gives Momo’s belly a tickle before focusing back on the sky ahead. Momo chitters again and flies off so that he glides next to Appa.

Katara sighs and looks back out, focusing on the one lone cloud in the sky. 

It’s been five years since the end of the Hundred Year War. Five years since Katara returned home to the South Pole for a month before deciding to join Aang in his trip around the world, aiding the Avatar in any way that she can. During this journey, she slowly learned to love Aang in the way that he loves her. At least, that’s what she tells herself. 

She  _ does  _ love Aang, she reminds herself. She has always loved Aang. In the past five years, Katara has enjoyed following Aang around the world, helping him with his duties, coming up with ideas to better the world. She’s served on councils in the Earth Kingdom, helping with Restorations. When he was stuck, Katara gave him ideas, helped him work through any block he had. 

When he kisses her, she kisses him back. She’s happy with Aang. 

During the five years since the end of the world, Team Avatar has never been in the same place at the same time. Katara and Aang would see Toph in Gaoling, running her metalbending school. They would visit Uncle Iroh in Ba Sing Se to sit with him and have tea. Occasionally they would stay a week or two in the South Pole so Katara could see Sokka, her father, and Gran Gran. Sometimes, they would see Zuko during meetings of world leaders.

Katara always feels her heart pound when Zuko looks at her, giving her that shy smile she’s become so accustomed to. 

But she hasn’t thought about Zuko in  _ that way  _ in a long time. Because when she dreams, she sees herself with Aang. Katara dreams of her and Aang growing old together. 

At least, she hopes she does. 

“Hey, we’re almost there,” Aang calls back to her, barely looking behind him. 

“Great, that’s really exciting,” she calls back, moving from the edge of the saddle and crawling towards the front so that she is closer to Aang. In a split decision, Katara decides to climb over the saddle and make her way precariously onto Appa’s head, settling down next to Aang.

He looks at her, giving her a warm smile. “Are you doing okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Katara asks, giving his cheek a soft kiss. 

“Nothing,” Aang tells her, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

Katara doesn’t reply, just shrugs and adjusts herself so that she is resting her head on his shoulder. Aang sighs happily next to her, flicking the reins gently. In the distance, Katara can see Kyoshi Island slowly come into view. 

“Can you believe Sokka and Suki are getting married?” Aang asks her as Appa speeds up, Kyoshi Island becoming clearer by the minute. 

“Yes, I can,” Katara replies, smiling fondly at the thought of her brother and Suki finally taking the next step in their relationship. 

“You think they’ll be able to handle being apart for the first couple years of marriage?” Aang asks. 

“They handled five years apart, why not?” Katara tells him, glancing up at Aang who looks deep in thought.

“Hmm,” Aang hums.

They fall silent again, Katara still resting her head on Aang’s shoulder. For the first time in five years, Team Avatar will finally be reunited all together. Katara feels her heart beating in elation at the thought of finally seeing her friends all in one place. The last time she had seen Toph was half a year ago, Sokka and Suki more than that. The last time she had seen Zuko…

_ No,  _ Katara thinks to herself firmly,  _ no more thoughts about Zuko. You made your decision. He made his. You’re happy to be with Aang. Aang, not Zuko, is your destiny.  _

Destiny is funny though, isn’t it?

* * *

Aang and Katara make it to Kyoshi Island a bit after noon. Sokka is waiting for them just outside of town with a wide grin on his face.

“You made it!” Sokka exclaims, throwing his arms around Katara as soon as she drops down from where she was sitting on Appa’s head. 

Katara starts laughing, wrapping her arms around her brother tightly. “You really thought I was going to miss my big brother’s wedding? No way!”

Sokka gives her one last tight squeeze before letting her go and embracing Aang, who is now a head taller than her brother. 

“So happy for you, man!” Aang states, clapping Sokka on the back. 

“Thank you, thank you,” Sokka replies as he lets go of Aang and beams at him. “It’s been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”

“You could say that,” Katara teases, poking her brother in the ribs. “Now, where is Suki?”

“Last house on the right,” Sokka instructs, pointing Katara in the right direction. “We’re trying our best to stay away from each other until tomorrow. I feel like if I look at her, I might throw up. Does that make sense?”

“Could not tell you,” Aang replies, shaking his head, as Katara just laughs. 

“Well, while you go see Suki, Aang, do you want to wait for Zuko with me?” Sokka asks, looking at Aang. “His ship should be arriving soon.”

“Sure, why not,” Aang shrugs. 

Katara wishes the two goodbye, making her way into town. She glances backwards at the two boys, noticing their heads together in deep conversation. She wonders what they could possibly be talking about. 

As she approaches the town, she’s so lost in thought that she doesn’t notice Suki running down the stairs of the house and throwing herself into Katara. 

“Oomf,” Katara states as Suki embraces her.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here,” Suki exclaims. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Katara hugs Suki tightly, burying her face in the older girl’s shoulder. 

“It’s been so long,” Suki claims, still holding on to Katara. 

“Anything for my sister,” Katara replies, finally letting go of Suki.

“Come on,” Suki states, grabbing Katara’s hand and dragging her inside. “I need some Katara time.”

Katara allows herself to be dragged inside and up the stairs into Suki’s bedroom. There, Ty Lee sits on the bed brushing her hair. 

“Hi, Katara!” Ty Lee beams. 

Suki sits Katara down on the bed and sits next to her, adjusting herself so that she is facing Katara head on. 

“So catch me up,” Suki says, resting her elbows on her knees and placing her chin on her knuckles. “What have you been doing? How are you and Aang?”

“Well, we’ve been at the Southern Air Temple for the last few months,” Katara explains, sighing deeply. “Aang recruited a whole new group of Air Acolytes and he’s spending all of his time with them lately.”

“Well, what have  _ you  _ been doing then?” Ty Lee asks, throwing her brush aside and moving closer to Katara and Suki. 

“What do you mean?” Katara asks. 

Suki and Ty Lee exchange a look.

“What?” Katara asks, somewhat defensively. 

“It’s just in your last letter, you told me you were bored, that’s all,” Suki states, giving Katara a small shrug. “Just making sure you’re taking time for you, you know?”

“Oh, well, when we go to the Air Temples, sometimes I just get a bit bored, that’s all,” Katara explains, feeling her face go hot. “You know, Aang just spends so much time with the Air Acolytes that sometimes he - uh - he forgets about me.”

Ty Lee and Suki exchange another look. 

“He’s been so busy!” Katara exclaims. “You know, he has his Avatar duties, and the Air Acolytes, and we’re always traveling and - well, we just do a lot.”

“Babe, I don’t love how that sounds,” Ty Lee tells her, frowning in Katara’s direction. 

“You just sound, how do I put this… unhappy?” Suki adds, taking Katara’s hand in hers. “And to be honest, you’ve sounded unhappy in your last few letters. Sokka noticed it too.”

“You talk about me to my brother?” Katara asks. 

“Uh, yeah,” Suki replies. “We talk about all of you, actually.”

“Even me?” Ty Lee asks, batting her lashes at Suki. 

“Yes, even you, Ty Lee,” Suki teases, giving Ty Lee a shove. 

Katara sighs deeply. She knows Suki is right, especially given the last few months with Aang. 

“Have you guys talked about the future at all?” Suki asks, giving Katara’s hand a squeeze. “Or how you’re feeling?” 

“No, not really.” Katara feels herself going hot under Ty Lee and Suki’s stares. “We don’t have time to talk.”

“Your brother and I are nations apart, and we still have time to talk to each other,” Suki points out, Ty Lee nodding along with her. “So, after the wedding, you sit that boy down and tell him how you feel. You tell him you want to be appreciated. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it,” Katara states. “Can we talk about something else? How’s the Fire Nation? How’s - Zuko?”

Katara truly hopes that neither Suki nor Ty Lee notices her hiccup when asking about Zuko, but neither of them say anything. 

She listens intently as the two girls tell her about their time in the Fire Nation as Zuko’s personal bodyguards. They tell her about the assissinaton attempts Zuko failed to mention in his letters, about Azula’s many outbursts, about Zuko’s younger half sister, Kiyi, and his mother, Ursa. Not only that, but Ty Lee accidentally lets slip that he and Mai broke up over a year ago. 

“He - he didn’t tell me that,” Katara states, wincing. “Usually he tells me everything, but he failed to mention that in any of his letters to me.”

Ty Lee shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah, it wasn’t the cleanest break. He was pretty broken up about it, but he’s good now.” 

Katara doesn’t notice Suki studying her as she processes this information. 

“You and Zuko are close, though, right?” Suki asks. “I mean, you’ve been keeping in touch?”

Katara nods. “Always, yeah. That’s the one thing we promised each other all those years ago.”

“Indeed,” Suki states. 

Fate is fickle, Katara remembers. 

* * *

Zuko arrives at Kyoshi Island a few hours after Katara and Aang, and while Katara is excited to see him, she does her best to avoid him. To be honest, she’s really not sure why she’s avoiding him. Could it be because she’s nervous to see him? Nervous to see how much he’s changed? Or is she hiding from her feelings? Or her destiny?

Destiny. Fate.

Katara has grown to absolutely hate both words, but as of yet, she has only thought about fate and destiny. The advice Iroh gave Katara all those years ago ring in her ears. She despises how often her thoughts betray her and the careful little world she’s built for herself inside her mind. 

In order to avoid Zuko, and Aang, and anyone else who might ask her what she’s been up to, Katara heads toward the beach to practice some waterbending techniques. Though it’s cold out, Katara takes off her boots and shrugs out of her outer layer before wadding into the ocean. The water is bitterly cold, so cold it nips at her toes, but Katara barely notices as she pushes and pulls the water beneath her. 

Katara loves her natural element, and after being away from it for so long, she decides that she never wants to move from this spot. Even if it means missing Sokka and Suki’s wedding. Even if it means never being with Aang again. 

The water she had been so precariously balancing in front of her falls with a splash. 

“Damn,” she snaps, shaking her head at herself. 

Where had that thought come from? Clearly, the conversation she had with Suki and Ty Lee earlier had gotten to her. 

Of course she’s happy with Aang! If she isn’t, why would she have stayed with him for as long as she did? 

_ Because you’re comfortable, Katara,  _ she thinks to herself.  _ Because you’re so hell bent on fate, that you think if you leave him then you screw with your destiny _ . 

Grunting, Katara pulls the water up again, bringing it over her head. One by one, she separates the water, freezing each individual stream and throwing it far into the ocean. 

With each throw, she lets out an angry yell. She must have been holding some deep hatred within herself, for with each flick of the wrist, her yelling just gets louder. At one point, she hears footsteps behind her, and she is so in the moment that she turns around and flings a piece of ice at the unsuspecting intruder. 

The intruder is quick, though, because as soon as he spots the ice flying his way, he creates a wall of flames to block the attack and melt the ice when it collides with the flames. 

“Well, it’s nice to see you too, Katara,” Zuko teases as the fire subsides, and Katara is left staring at Zuko embarrassed about her behavior. 

“I - I wasn’t expecting anyone to come down here,” she tells him, folding her arms in front of her chest. It’s now she notices the cold, and she realizes that she is shivering. 

“No, clearly not,” Zuko replies, grinning at her. “Aren’t you cold?”

Katara shakes her head, but she knows her clattering teeth betray her. 

“Come on,” Zuko says, motioning her to come in. “Don’t want you to freeze. Plus, it’s been a while and I wanted to catch up.”

Katara takes a deep breath and slowly makes her way out of the water. Once she reaches her boots and outer layer, Zuko approaches, lighting a flame in his hand and bringing it close to her. She tries to ignore the knot forming in her stomach as she pulls the moisture from her body and hair and layers herself back up, Zuko watching her intently. 

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve been avoiding me,” Zuko claims when Katara is finished. 

She avoids looking at him as she walks by, pulling her outer layer closer around herself. 

“Katara,” Zuko says, easily catching up to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Katara, did I do something wrong?”

“No, no of course not,” Katara replies, shaking Zuko’s hand off her shoulder.

He drops it slowly, still not letting up and following her back into town.

“Then why-?”

“I don’t  _ know _ , Zuko,” Katara finally admits, stopping in her tracks and turning to look at him. “I don’t know why I’ve been avoiding you. I just have been.”

“Katara, did something happen?” he asks, studying her face. “I just - I don’t understand. Did something happen that you’re not telling me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Mai broke up?” Katara snaps before she can stop herself. She registers the hurt in Zuko’s face, and holds her hands up in peace. “I’m sorry, I don’t - I’m sorry.”

“Where did you hear about me and Mai?” he asks her, taking a step forward so that he can be closer to her. It takes everything in Katara’s power for her not to take a step back away from him.

“Ty Lee,” Katara admits, looking away from Zuko, who just sighs in return. 

“Looks like I’m going to have to speak to her about being a better secret keeper, huh?” Zuko teases, giving Katara a small shove. 

“I guess so,” Katara replies. “But why didn’t you tell me? You usually tell me everything, but this? What happened?”

“Simple,” he states, shrugging, “she didn’t want to be Fire Lady.”

“Did you even love her?” 

“Katara, of course I did,” Zuko answers. “I mean, at least I think so. And I think she loved me back. But, honestly, I don’t think we were… meant to be? Does that make sense?”

“Sure,” Katara replies, nodding. 

“Our destinies -” Zuko starts. 

“Were never meant to intertwine,” Katara finishes, finally locking eyes with Zuko. “You’ve been thinking about it too.”

Zuko swallows and nods slowly. “Strangely enough, yes.”

“Yeah,” is all Katara can think of saying.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you, to be completely honest,” Zuko sighs. “I was just so heartbroken and ashamed, that I didn’t want to admit to you that I was weak.”

“I would never think you were weak, Zuko,” Katara tells him. “After what we’ve been through?”

Zuko gives her a small smile. “Yeah, yeah I know. Maybe I was ashamed because you’re so happy with Aang that I didn’t want to bring you down.”

“Oh,” Katara replies, feeling herself go hot. “I guess so.”

“Katara?” Zuko asks, arching his lone eyebrow. “ _ Are _ you happy with Aang?”

Katara can’t find the words to answer, and Zuko doesn’t force her to do so. Instead, he takes her hand in his, squeezing it gently to let her know he understands. 

Together they stand there in the middle of the path, hands interlocked as they stare at each other, thinking about everything they would never say out loud.

Destiny has a funny way of showing itself, Katara remembers. She wonders if her destiny is finally ready to be revealed. 


	2. words are knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara and Aang decide it's time to reconsider their relationship, allowing Katara to think more freely about her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever heard the term "in media ras"? It's a term that means "in the midst of things", and I really think that applies to this story. Since it can be read separate to the prequel, I did kind of just throw you all in there! In a way, I feel like it really works with where I plan on going with this story.

Sokka and Suki’s wedding is a sight to behold Katara thinks as she watches her brother and sister-in-law dance together in the middle of a circle, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. She sighs contentedly as the people around them clap with vigor, sending their well wishes to the newlyweds. Katara had been looking forward to this day, this day of celebration and happiness where she could forget about her sad, lonely heart for just a little bit. Before the festivities had even begun, Katara had taken her heart and locked it away with a key, telling herself she will not release it until  _ after  _ Sokka and Suki’s big day. 

As the music swells around her, she allows Aang to take her hand and lead her to the dancefloor, swirling her around before holding her close. Katara enjoys this, enjoys being in Aang’s arms as he takes the lead, occasionally twirling her so that her brilliant blue dress dances in the low lamp light. One of his hands settles softly on her waist, the other gently holding her hand. He brings her closer to him, so that his chin lay next to her head. 

“You seem so far away, Katara,” Aang whispers as they sway back and forth, forgetting the world around them. “Come back to me.”

Katara closes her eyes, wishing she could find the right words to explain to Aang why she’s so far away. Instead, he rests his cheek on the top of her head, as if telling her  _ it’s okay _ ,  _ we’re okay.  _ She feels the guilt well up in her heart, the way it claws at her chest.

When the dance is over and Katara opens her eyes, she swears she catches Zuko staring at her, a wistful look on his face. 

* * *

When the festivities end and everyone is making their way towards the inns, Aang grabs Katara’s hand once more and pulls her towards the path that leads out of town.

“Come on,” he exclaims, leading her down the path towards the beach. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Katara replies nervously, the guilt in her chest screaming at her to run away, to leave and never come back. 

Aang quickens his pace until they finally reach the beach where Aang guides Katara closer to the water. It’s cold out, and neither of them are wearing very heavy layers, though Aang never seems to notice the cold. 

“What’s on your mind,” Katara asks as Aang drops her hand and sits on the sand. He motions for her to sit next to him, which she obliges. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Aang tells her, crossing his legs and staring out into the ocean. “Ever since Sokka told me that he and Suki were getting married, I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot.”

“Oh,” Katara states, biting her lip. She watches Aang close his eyes and take a deep breath, leaning his head back as he inhales. When he exhales, a trail of fire escapes his mouth. Unable to take the tension, Katara continues, “Why have you been thinking about marriage?” 

He opens his eyes and looks at her, his grey eyes soft against the moonlight. “Why do you think, Katara?”

She knows why. At this point, they’ve been together for so long that Katara should have known that Aang would be thinking about his future -  _ their future.  _

“I haven’t really made anything for you yet,” he explains, “but I know that whenever I think about my life, you’re always in it, Katara.”

“Am I?” she chokes out, a sob hitched in her throat. “Aang, you’re only eighteen, you don’t need to think -”

“But I  _ want  _ to think, Katara,” he interrupts, not picking up on Katara’s unsteadiness. “I want to be with you.”

“You are with me, aren’t you?” Katara asks, wiping away a stubborn tear with the back of her hand. “You’re with me right now, is that not good enough?”

Aang blinks in confusion, tilting his head to the side as he stares at her. “What - what do you mean, Katara?”

“Marriage, Aang?” she snaps, standing up so suddenly, she sees spots dancing in her eyesight. She stumbles a bit, Aang catching her as he stands up himself. 

“Katara, what is happening?” he asks trying to steady her, but she just rips her arm away. “I thought we were happy?” 

Katara whips herself around, pointing an accusatory finger at Aang. “No,  _ you  _ were happy! You were so happy with your Air Acolytes and your Avatar duties that you stopped noticing me!”

“Katara, what -” Aang starts, but Katara throws her hands up, causing him to stop suddenly. 

“Aang, Aang, it’s not you,” Katara cries, placing her hands on her face. “I’ve been so unhappy, so unsatisfied, and I never told you how I’d been feeling.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice,” Aang replies, placing a hand on Katara’s shoulder. When she doesn’t shake it off, he continues, “I wish you told me how you felt, maybe we could have worked through it.” 

“Maybe,” Katara mumbles through her hands. 

“But, Katara, I meant what I said,” he states, now placing his other hand on her opposite shoulder so that he was holding on to her. “I want to marry you someday, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Katara finally lifts her face from her hands, feeling so utterly broken she’s not exactly sure what to say or do. 

“Is that - is that not what you want?” Aang asks, dropping his hands from her shoulders and taking a step back. 

“I honestly don’t know, Aang,” she admits. “I don’t know what I want.”

Aang nods, a sigh escaping his lips.

“I’m sorry, Aang,” Katara says, grabbing one of his hands. “I don’t - I don’t know what came over me. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I just don’t know.”

“I wish you talked to me,” he replies, and Katara cannot stand the hurt in his voice. “I wish you told me how you were feeling.”

“That’s just it, Aang,” Katara states, “I did. At the beginning of our relationship, any time you would run off to play Avatar to all of your adoring fans, I would sit in a corner, forgotten, as you dazzled everyone with your charm. I tried so hard, Aang, and you would too, but…”

“I’m sorry, Katara, I’m so sorry,” Aang begs, now squeezing her hand and taking a step closer to her. “We can work this out, I know we can!”

“I just need to think right now, Aang,” Katara says, pulling her hand away from him. “I need to clear my head.” 

Aang goes to reach out for her again, but she just turns away, folding her arms over her chest. She hears Aang sigh, and his footsteps start to subside. Finally, when she is sure he is gone, Katara collapses on the sand, bringing her knees to her chest and sobbing. With each sob, she can’t help but think about how awful she is, how truly horrible she’s been. 

She tells herself everything will work out, that Aang is right and that they can work together on their relationship. But Katara knows that is not true, knows that whatever happens Aang will alway be the Avatar and his duty to the world will always have to come first, before her or any family they might have.

No, that’s not true either. She knows Aang loves her, that Aang would always put her first no matter what. Does Katara not belong to the Avatar in a way? Has her heart not always belonged to him since the second he became free from the iceberg? Is it not Katara’s destiny to be with Aang?

There’s that pesky word again: destiny. 

She hates destiny with every fiber of her being. Hates that her destiny has been causing her so much turmoil. She wishes she could stuff it in a box, wrap it up nicely, and then fling it into the sun. Maybe then she will know peace.

But what happens when she tries to avoid her destiny? What happens when she tries to avoid the future that has been made for her? She remembers being told that every action she takes plays into her future, that the more she tries to avoid her future, the more she plays into destiny’s hands. 

_ So stupid, so silly _ , she thinks to herself, tightening her arms around her knees. 

Katara knows she needs to face Aang, tell him exactly how she feels. Not only that, she needs to confront her future, the one that destiny has so meticulously laid out for her. But for now, she sits on the sand, resting her chin on her knees as she stares at the ocean, watching the push and pull of the tides on the sand as it slowly creeps up to her toes. 

* * *

Almost an hour later, Katara returns to the inn and carefully makes her way back to the room she shares with Aang. She’s not even sure if she should go there, but something in her heart tells her that it’s time.

Time for what, exactly, she’s not sure. 

Opening the door, she notices Aang’s form laying in bed not facing her. As she tipoes in the room, Aang stirs and rolls over, his eyes wide open staring at her through the dark. 

“Hi,” she whispers, closing the door behind her.

Aang sits up and pats the seat next to him. Taking a deep breath, Katara makes her way to the bed and sits next to him. He doesn’t move any closer to her, just adjusts himself so that he can look at her. 

“We need to talk about it,” Aang states gently, taking her hand in his. “Whatever happens, happens. But we need to talk about it.”

“I know,” Katara agrees. “I’m really sorry, Aang, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You were holding that in for a while, weren’t you?” he asks.

“Yes,” Katara nods, “it seems like I was. I’m not really sure how long that’s been pent up for, though. I just realized it all now.”

“Me asking about marriage probably didn’t help, huh?” he claims, giving her a soft smile. 

Katara returns his smile, suddenly remembering a conversation she had so long ago on Ember Island. A conversation with another boy, one who - 

“Katara, I don’t want you to be unhappy,” Aang says, interrupting her thoughts. “And I want to apologize.”

“Aang, you don’t need to apologize,” she tells him. “Really, I snapped at you when I shouldn’t have. I knew going into this relationship what your duties entailed, that we would constantly be on the move.”

“That’s not why I’m apologizing though,” Aang says sadly. “When Guru Pathik told me to let you go in order to unlock my chakra, I refused. I told him that I loved you, that I refused to let you go.”

“You told me all this,” Katara reminds him, tilting her head to the side, a bit confused. 

“I know,” Aang sighs. “The thing is, I was so selfish with my views because I thought, in this weird sense, you belonged to me, I guess.”

“You were a child, Aang,” Katara states. “You didn’t know what love was, and that’s okay.”

“Kids really do have a skewed view on love, huh?” he teases, bumping her shoulder with his. “But the thing is, the more I held on to you, the more I convinced myself I loved you, I was just hurting you in the process. And that really wasn’t fair.”

“Oh,  _ Aang _ -”

“Wait, Katara, hold on,” he says. “I do love you, Katara, really I do. Maybe it’s not what I thought it was, and maybe you’re right. Maybe marriage shouldn’t be in the near future. We need some time to think, to figure out where we’re going.”

“Do you know where you’re going?” Katara asks. Aang’s eyes soften at the question as he just sighs, his thumb stroking hers. 

“No, I don’t,” he replies. “And I’m sure you don’t know either.”

Katara shakes her head. 

Aang sighs again. “Maybe… maybe me and you need to take a step back? Figure out what we want before addressing our relationship again?”

“And what if…” Katara stops herself. What if what? She was told that she cannot focus on the what ifs, that she needs to focus one step at a time, focus on what is happening in the present. 

“What if our relationship never continues?” Aang guesses before she can even start her sentence again. When Katara nods, Aang says, “Then maybe we’re not meant to be.”

Katara considers that, considers what that might just mean. She’s been so sure that Aang is her destiny, and maybe he is, but perhaps not in the way she expects. 

“Aang, you believe in destiny, right?” Katara asks, causing Aang to furrow his brows at her.

“I’m the Avatar,” he states, but his voice is teasing. “Of course I believe in destiny.”

“Destiny is tricky,” Katara tells him. “It has a plan for us, but the thing is, destiny can change at any moment. We both believed that we were supposed to be each other’s destiny, but maybe destiny wants us to be together in a different way.”

“Hmm,” Aang hums. “Maybe.”

“What do you want to do, Aang?” 

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re being held back,” Aang claims. “You can fight me all you want, but I think, like we said, that we need to take a step back.”

“Reconsider?” she asks. 

She hates what she is doing to Aang, hates the pain that she is causing. But when she looks into Aang’s eyes, there is no anger, no hatred. There is sincerity, tranquility. Aang has already made peace with letting her go. Katara still does not feel any less guilty. 

“Aang, what if - what if we meet other people?” she asks, feeling herself flush. She’s not sure why, and she’s thankful the room is dark so Aang cannot see the color in her cheeks. 

“Someone else we fall in love with?” he clarifies. 

Katara nods, feeling Aang’s grip around her hand slacken. 

“Then we really aren’t each other’s destinies, are we?” he asks, giving her another soft smile, one that tells her that he’s already made peace with the future. 

“I’m not saying -” Katara’s not sure what she’s ‘not saying’. She’s not sure what Aang is implying, and she doesn’t want to find out. 

“Katara, just promise me one thing,” Aang says. “Please?”

“Anything,” Katara replies, scooting closer to Aang and resting her head on his shoulder.

“Just promise me you’ll still be in my life,” he says, his head falling on hers. “Promise me that.”

“Always, Aang,” Katara promises. “You’re too important to me.”

“Thank you, Katara,” he mumbles. “Stay with me one more night?”

“Yes,” she replies. “One more night.”

Katara does love Aang, nothing will ever change that. Maybe she thought she grew to love Aang in the way everyone expected her to, but in the end she knew that she was unsatisfied. Aang will always be in her life, that much she is sure of, but he’s not the future she’s envisioned for herself. 

* * *

Aang leaves early the next morning. 

Even though neither of them said anything to any of their friends, Katara still has Toph come up to her and give her a punch on the shoulder.

“Sorry about Twinkle Toes,” Toph states as Katara rubs her arm. “That really sucks.”

“Thanks, Toph,” Katara replies. 

The younger girl opens her mouth as if to add something, but seems to decide against it. Instead, Toph just shrugs and walks away as Hakoda makes his way towards Katara.

“You doing okay?” Hakoda asks, wrapping his arms around Katara.

“Yeah, Dad, I’m okay,” Katara replies. She’s sure that people expect her to be a sobbing mess, but Katara just feels oddly calm. Right now, she is numb to her feelings, numb to what’s been happening. “I just feel bad it had to happen on a night like this.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Hakoda assures her as he lets her go from his tight embrace. “Focus on you and how you feel right now.”

“Dad, I don’t really know how I feel, to be honest,” Katara admits. 

Hakoda gives her a look, his hands on her shoulders. “Nothing?”

“Just numb,” Katara tells him. “I know what happened, I know it needed to happen, but I’m not sad or happy. I’m just numb.”

“Seems like you’re repressing your feelings then,” Hakoda states, removing a piece of hair out from Katara’s face. “You have a storm coming when it does hit you.”

“I know, Dad,” Katara replies. “But right now, I feel oddly calm. Free in a way, too.”

“I think you and Aang did what was best for you both then,” Hakoda says gently. 

Katara nods in agreement. 

“Pakku told me that the Northern Water Tribe needs a master waterbender,” Hakoda informs her, dropping his hands from her shoulders. Katara is thankful for the change of subject.

“So is he going back?” Katara asks. “Will Gran Gran go with him?”

Hakoda chuckles. “Pakku said he’s too old to train waterbenders. He wants to stay in the south to be with your grandmother.”

“Then who - oh.” Pakku means Katara. 

“Would you want to go? I know you’ve been wanting to train with the benders in the south, but Pakku also mentioned that Yagoda has found new methods of healing,” Hakoda states. “He thinks you might benefit from that. Especially when these new methods now include lightning.”

Katara winces, which her father notices. 

“Katara, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Hakoda tells her. 

“No, Pakku is right,” Katara states. “I can train the benders, then send some to the south. I can also advance in healing. What do you think, Dad?”

“It’s whatever you want to do, my darling,” he says. “I’m behind you no matter what.”

* * *

As Katara packs up her clothes, stuffing them in her bag trying to figure out just how she kept everything in Appa’s saddle, a soft knock comes from her door. 

“Come in!” she yells, assuming it’s either Sokka or Suki coming to assure her that everything will get better, that break ups are awful, that Katara will get over it. 

But when she turns, Katara is surprised to see Zuko standing at her door. He’s dressed casually, just in trousers and a tunic, no crown on top of his head. Instead, his long hair is pulled back in a normal top knot. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to check on you,” he tells her, still standing at the threshold, his hand on the door as if waiting to be let in.

“Yeah, of course, come on in,” Katara replies, turning around so she can finish folding the dress in her hands. 

Zuko walks in but stands in the middle of the room awkwardly, shuffling back and forth on his feet. 

“I saw Aang this morning,” he tells her. “I was up early meditating. He told me what happened.”

“You two are close, I’m not surprised he did,” Katara states, turning back around and shaking her head. “If it wasn’t going to be me, it was going to be him.”

“He says it was mutual?” Zuko asks. “Is that true?”

“More or less,” Katara replies, heaving her bag up and dropping it on the bed. 

Zuko looks from Katara to her bag and back to Katara. 

“I’m okay, Zuko, really,” Katara assures him. “I’m not made of glass.”

Zuko chuckles. “No, I guess you’re not. Out of everyone, you’ve always been the strongest.”

Katara flushes under Zuko’s gaze, but doesn’t reply.

“You don’t always have to be strong, Katara,” he reminds her, just like he always does. 

“I know,” Katara replies, her voice breaking. 

“You can break if you need to,” he continues, finally taking a step closer to her. 

“I know.” Katara’s voice breaks again, a sob caught in her throat. 

Zuko takes another step closer, and Katara falls into his arms, finally letting the tears flow. She cries into his chest, one of his hands hand on her head, the other on her back comforting her. 

“I love him, I know I loved him, Zuko,” Katara sobs as Zuko just holds her close, his arms holding her steady. 

“Yes, you did love him,” Zuko agrees. “You loved him with all your heart.”

“Then why did it feel so  _ wrong _ sometimes?” Katara cries. 

“I don’t know, Katara,” Zuko replies. “If I had the answers, I would give them to you. I would give the world, Katara, but I can’t.”

This causes Katara to cry harder, because she knows that Zuko is telling her the truth. He told her so long ago that he would take lightning for her over and over again if he had to. 

But truth be told, she never was his. Isn’t that what she told him? 

“I don’t regret it,” she says, her face still pressed into his chest. She can feel his erratic heartbeat under her ear.

_ Thump. Thump thump.  _

“I didn’t say you had to,” he states. 

They stay like that, Katara’s arms wrapped around Zuko, her cheek pressed up against his chest. Zuko’s strong arms hold her up. Neither say anything. 

They don’t have to speak, though. 

Fate is going to do all the work, and Katara decides to let it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking the next chapter will be more letters and some time skips before I reintroduce everyone back together again. Katara (and Zuko tbh) need to work through their inner turmoil before I get to the ~spice~.
> 
> Comments and reviews are appreciated ❤️


	3. miss missing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the years pass, Katara keeps in touch with her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has become somewhat experimental, and self indulgent, in a way. Like I said, I know where it's going, but since I wanted to include a big time skip, I needed something to help fill the gap so I wouldn't have to have so much exposition in later chapters. Thus, letters. 
> 
> I like the epistolary style though, and I'm hoping it works with this fic. I'm also debating bring it back for later chapters. Let me know what you all think.

**One month later**

_ Dear Aang,  _

_ I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re not still mad at me.  _

_ I’ve been in the North Pole for a couple of weeks now, training a new generation of waterbenders. Many are beginners, children under the age of ten who are just learning about their new found abilities. Watching these children learn about their element, about how it flows in and around them, is truly a sight to see. So many struggle with the basics, becoming upset when they do not master the techniques right away; funnily enough, they remind me of myself when I was learning too. Do you remember that? Do you remember when you were able to push and pull the water with ease, able to form a water whip with perfection, while I struggled with the forms? I was so angry, so jealous of you then. Watching these children, I think I understand more now. When they cry, I take them aside and tell them that even I struggled with forms occasionally, that I would get so angry with myself whenever I could not master the basic forms in one day. I watch their eyes widen with surprise.  _

_ ‘Master Katara!’ they would say. ‘But you are a gifted and talented waterbender! I bet you never struggled!’ _

_ I can’t help but to laugh.  _

_ Not only have I been training children, but I am also training a group of soldiers. Why the north thinks they still need soldiers or an army is beyond me, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut for the time being and do as I’m told. When I’m not training in fighting techniques, I am with Yugoda in her hut learning new forms of healing. We discovered that you can use bloodbending to heal; though I hate bloodbending, I guess I will have to learn to accept that there are some benefits. _

_ I plan on returning home in a couple of months to help my dad and Sokka with rebuilding the south. Though the town is larger now, we are still behind our sister tribe. Sokka’s plans seem wonderful, and I am excited to see what happens.  _

_ If you would like, please come visit us when I return to the south. Only if you want to though. It would be nice to see you. _

_ Katara  _

**Two months later**

_ Katara, _

_ I’m sorry that I cannot come and visit you at home. Something has come up in the Earth Kingdom and I had to travel immediately. Avatar duties never stop, do they?  _

_ I’m glad to hear that you are doing well. The children are so lucky to have you as their teacher. I know I was.  _

_ I miss you, Katara, but I think this separation is good for us right now. In a way, I feel more independent. Not that I wasn’t before, but just that I have to think for myself more. I don’t have you to guide me through every hiccup, and that’s okay.  _

_ Continue to do well. Hopefully we will see each other soon. _

_ Aang _

**Six months later**

_ Dearest Katara, _

_ I know you just left home, but when are you returning? It occurred to me just as your boat was leaving the dock that I was going to miss you. _

_ Okay, okay, I miss your sea prune soup that you perfected with Gran Gran.  _

_ And I guess miss hanging out with you, I don’t know. _

_ Either way, since you’ve been gone, Dad and I have gotten in touch with Zuko about opening a better trade route between the South and the Fire Nation. He’s also asked us about possibly helping out in terms of opening a better hospital. I told him he may have to get in touch with you or the North for that, since you’re a quality healer. Look out for his letter in that case. I think you might be a better fit in representing the Tribe if that is what Zuko decides to do.  _

_ Dad and I will be heading to the Fire Nation in a few months because of this. We’re hoping that you may meet us there. Possibly bring a representative from the Northern Tribe as well.  _

_ It will be nice to see Zuko again, but really I’m just excited to see Suki. I know we’ve been long distance for a while, but now that we’re married it feels different, you know? We’re both hoping that in another year or two, we can finally be together, probably in the South Pole. Here’s hoping.  _

_ Let me know what you decide to do. Be safe. I hope you’re treating yourself with kindness.  _

_ Sokka _

  
  


_ Sokka, _

_ Of course you just miss my cooking. Am I really that surprised? _

_ As for the Fire Nation, I have to stay where I am. I helped Chief Arnook find some Ambassadors to send to the Fire Nation. They’re all excellent healers, and are more than willing to help Fire Lord Zuko with creating a healthcare system that works for the whole nation. Send Zuko my apologies for being unable to visit.  _

_ Make sure to send Suki my love as well. Miss you all. _

_ Katara _

**One year later**

_ Katara, _

_ Hard to believe it’s been a whole year since we’ve parted. The more time passes, though, the more I seem to think that maybe this was the best choice. I hear about all of the wonderful things you are doing in the North and I can’t help but think that if you were still with me, I would have held you back. Maybe I was just being selfish in keeping you so close. Maybe we both were acting selfish.  _

_ If you do not hear from me in a while, it is because I have decided to go on a spiritual journey for a few months. I’m not exactly for how long I’ll be gone for, but I will be sure to send you a letter when I return. Maybe once I’m back, we can somehow meet up. I would really like that.  _

_ Hope you continue to do well.  _

_ Aang _

* * *

_ Katara, _

_ I’m not really sure why I am writing to you. Nothing really substantial has been happening in my life, plus you receive word from me whenever something happens in the Fire Nation anyways. I guess I just miss us being so personal with each other. Maybe I should just tell you what’s been happening with me. _

_ First, the Fire Sages keep antagonizing me to find a “suitable wife” in order to “produce an heir to the throne”. Pardon by language, but it feels like absolute bullshit. I mean, I get it, if something happens to me, there needs to be someone to take my place on the throne. But the thing is, there is no one I want to marry. Well, not anyone  _ here  _ anyways I guess. Wait, that sounds weird. Please don’t take that the wrong way. _

_ Anyways, I guess I’m not really sure what I want to do. They asked me about Mai, but we’ve been broken up for so long now that I really would rather not. Plus, I respect her wishes enough; she does not want to be Fire Lady no matter how much she loves me. Also, I’m only twenty three. I don’t think I’m old enough to have children.  _

_ You’re probably wondering about Azula. She’s been doing well. I know it’s been about six years, but she is still healing, still trying to reclaim some semblance of sanity in her life. Most days, she is full of life; not exactly like her old self, who was cruel and malicious, but… happy? Lucid? I don’t really know how to explain it. I don’t know if I told you, but she lost her firebending a while ago. Remember all those years ago when I lost mine? I think she’s going through the same thing, but no matter what we do for her, her bending will not come back. The doctors say her ailment is more mental than physical, and there is still not enough education or research on ailments of the mind. I wish I knew what to do to help her, especially during the days where she reverts back into herself and becomes so spiteful no one can come into her room. Ty Lee can usually calm her down though, but still. _

_ My mother and Kiyi are as wonderful as ever. Well, actually, Kiyi is. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but she still does not understand Azula like I do. That sounds strange to say, doesn’t it? Never once have I understood Azula, and now, besides Ty Lee, I understand her best.  _

_ My father is still in prison. I can’t give you much else, as we have all refused to see him. Sometimes, if you mention him around Azula, she becomes so angry she throws a fit. It’s awful to see. _

_ Last time we were together, you mentioned how hurt you were when I did not tell you about any assissination attempts. Well, I guess I should be open and honest with you. There was another one this past week. I was in town with Kiyi; she wanted to see the vendors and buy a new scarf for my mother, and I could not refuse. We had my Kyoshi Warriors, Suki among them, but the assassin slipped on by. Luckily, Kiyi noticed him right on time and was able to push me out of the way. You should have seen her, Katara, because as soon as the assassin tried again, Kiyi’s firebending became so powerful she reminded me of Azula. Luckily Suki and the other warriors with me were able to apprehend the assassin. Kiyi is still shaken up about what happened, and Suki blames herself, but I feel oddly… calm about the whole thing. Attempts on my life are the norm now, I guess the fear has washed away from me. (Also, do me a favor and send a letter to Suki. She’s really torn up about this, and I think she needs to hear from a friend like you.) _

_ Now that I think of it, I think this recent attempt on my life is why I’m writing you this long, rambling letter. When I saw the assassin come my way, my life flashed before my eyes, just like it always does. I thought of everything I’ve done, everything I haven’t been able to do. You know when you think about death, you hope that you die without any regrets? Well, that’s what happened to me: I thought about all of my regrets. I don’t want to die with regrets, Katara. And, for some strange reason, when I think of regrets, I think about you. That sounds wrong, and I don’t really know how to put this feeling into words, but I’ll try. _

_ I remember kissing you on Ember Island. I don’t regret that. I remember taking lightning to the heart for you. I really don’t regret that. I remember choosing Mai over you. That? That I do regret. But you were right, weren’t you? You were never mine, you could never be mine. I guess we both have to accept that and move on.  _

_ I should stop writing now before I embarrass myself. I don’t know if I’m actually going to send this, but if I do, please be gentle. Please be kind. I don’t want you to think any differently of me. Right now, I am so broken and confused that I just had to pour my soul out somewhere.  _

_ Be well, Katara.  _

_ Zuko _

_ Zuko, _

_ I’m not really sure how to start this letter to you. I’ve tried over and over again, crossing out words with my brush and then crumpling up pieces of parchment and throwing them away. Then I decided to be like you: write a long, rambling letter and see where it takes me.  _

_ I’m sorry the Fire Sages are having you think about marriage. I do agree with them, though, in a strange sense. If something happens to you, who takes the throne? Though since you are so upset by their insistence, then I agree, it’s bullshit.  _

_ Life is bullshit isn’t it? _

_ Here we are, tiny specs on earth, trying to figure out who we are and where we belong. You, obviously, belong in the Fire Nation. I belong… somewhere. The South Pole, the North Pole, wherever I’m needed. Remember when we all thought the future would be kind to us? When we thought the future had our lives all laid out, written in the stars? We all thought we couldn’t change our futures.  _

_ Thank you for telling me about your family. It must be hard, being so disjointed like that. As for Azula, I’m not sure about her ailment. Perhaps I can check with Yugoda and see if there is a way we can heal the mind? I don’t want to get your hopes up though, because I really don’t know if there is a way to heal it like you can a physical wound. Even if she has wronged me in the past, I do not want to see Azula suffer. She deserves a better life than what she was given.  _

_ You say you don’t want to die with regrets, Zuko, but what else do you regret? You cannot go on living your life saying you regret a choice you made when you were seventeen years old. You were a child. I was a child. I don’t regret what happened, and neither should you.  _

_ I don’t want to be another regret, Zuko. I don’t want that in my conscience. That sounds selfish of me to say, but I mean it. Don’t regret what happened, please. For my sake? I already carry the guilt of you almost dying for me, don’t make me carry the guilt of being an almost mistake.  _

_ I like when we’re open and honest with each other. It reminds me of good times, sitting on the beach on Ember Island watching the sky fade from blue to orange and yellow. The two of us, sitting under the stars as we talk about the end of the world. I miss that sometimes. I miss you.  _

_ Write soon, _

_ Katara _

**Three years later**

_ Katara,  _

_ Please tell me you are coming to the Fire Nation to celebrate Zuko’s birthday? I miss you, and I know Zuko does too, though don’t tell him I told you! Poor thing, he’s so upset about turning twenty-five you would think he’s turning seventy! I guess old age has made him even grumpier. _

_ Anyways, it would be nice to have you here. I’m really excited to see Team Avatar once again! Especially since we will be celebrating on Ember Island; let the sparkling blue ocean and the beautiful orange and pink sunsets tempt you. Come on, Katara, you deserve the break.  _

_ Punch Sokka on the arm for me, will you?  _

_ Love always,  _

_ Suki _

_ Suki, _

_ Well, it seems like you pulled my leg. Of course I’m coming to the Fire Nation to celebrate. Sokka and I leave in a few days, though I’ve only been home for a few months and leaving so soon feels odd.  _

_ We have a lot of… things to discuss when I see you.  _

_ I punched Sokka as you asked, but he told me I’m not as strong as you. Remind me not to kill him, will you? _

_ Love you, _

_ Katara _


	4. stuck in that sunshine riptide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gaang all gather together on Ember Island to begin their celebrations for Zuko's birthday. First, Katara has some turmoil to think through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should make it a game where you have to guess the song where the chapter titles come from. I'm not creative enough myself, so I just scroll through my Spotify top 100 and find a lyric that fits lol. 
> 
> As a reminder, there has been a three year time skip between chapters 2 and 4. Katara is 23, Zuko is 25, Aang and Toph are 21, Sokka and Suki are 24. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Early in the morning, Katara stands at the bow of the ship, her head tilted back and her eyes closed as she lets the ocean breeze gently caress her face. The salty air lingers in her nose as she takes deep, calming breaths to steady herself. In front of her, Ember Island slowly comes into view, the tall palm trees reaching towards the sky before finally dipping slightly towards the ground. Katara had grown to love Ember Island during their brief stay, but now she has grown to fear it.

Deep within her, there is a fear of the memories the island will bring up, of the inner turmoil that plagued her heart all those years ago. But Katara is an adult now, twenty-three years old and with no ties to her past. 

That is a lie, of course. Katara does have many connections to her past, mainly the friends that she brought with her to the present. The ties that she cut though? Well, those she keeps buried deep within her heart for no one to find. She keeps them hidden under lock and key, but she flung the key into the ocean so long ago, she is sure that it is probably rusted by now. 

Behind her, she hears someone shuffling, making enough noise to signal that they are approaching her. Taking a deep breath, she opens her eyes and looks to her right just as Suki sidles up next to her, leaning forwards and resting her arms on the banister. 

“Hey, Suki,” Katara says, looking back out towards the water. “Why aren’t you with my brother?”

“Because I wanted to come check on you, that’s why,” Suki replies, bumping Katara’s shoulder with her own. “Plus, he’s still asleep and while I love him to death, I did not miss his snores. So I thought I would find you for some girl time.”

Katara lets out a soft chuckle. “I suppose.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Suki asks, cocking her head to the side. “Ever since you and Sokka arrived at the Fire Nation, you’ve been acting a bit strange.”

“I’m fine, Suki, really,” Katara lies, grateful that Toph is still asleep below deck. “I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“Nervous about seeing Aang?” Suki asks. “It’s been, what, three years since you’ve broken up? Since you’ve actually  _ seen  _ him?” 

“Yes,” Katara nods. “We always just miss each other, I suppose.” 

“So, how do you feel about this?” Suki repeats. 

“I don’t know, Suki,” Katara sighs, taking a deep breath in. “It will be nice to see him, but - well - there’s just - nothing.”

Suki arches an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. 

“I never told you about the letter I got from Zuko, did I?” Katara asks, changing the subject quickly. “The one he sent me after the assassination attempt a few years ago?”

“You told me he wrote you,” Suki says gently. “But that’s all you told me. Was there something more?”

“Yes.” Katara sighs deeply and shifts on her feet, turning so that is facing Suki. “He told me he didn’t want to die with regrets.”

“No one does, Katara,” Suki states. “Especially when death is so close. Trust me when I say he really bottled his emotions up after that attempt.”

“But that’s just it, Suki,” Katara says, shaking her head, “he was so open and honest with me in his letter. And that’s not a bad thing, I really missed being so open with him, but…”

“But?” Suki prys, taking Katara’s hand in hers. “What else did he say?”

“He said I was a regret,” Katara admits. 

“Well, that’s nice of him,” Suki scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Real nice, Zuko. I need to knock some sense into that man don’t I?”

Katara shakes her own head. “No, no! Not like that!”

“Then what did he mean?” Suki asks, arching her eyebrow once again. “Because it sounds a bit rude if you ask me. Like he regrets saving your damn life.”

“Suki, he told me he would take lightning for me over and over again if he had to,” Katara tells her, feeling Suki’s grip tighten around her hand. “I don’t - I’m not sure - he didn’t really indulge me on what else he regrets though.”

“You know damn well what he told you, Katara,” Suki exclaims. “You either don’t want to tell me or you don’t want to admit it.”

Katara huffs and shakes Suki’s hand away. She hears Suki sigh next to her, but she doesn’t look at her. 

“Well, you’ve obviously been keeping in contact with him,” Suki tells her, leaning up against the banister once more as Ember Island becomes more clear. “Trust me, I know, because he gets this big goofy smile on his face whenever he gets a letter from you.”

Katara feels her face go hot. “He’s one of my best friends, of course I keep in touch with him.”

“You haven’t been as open and honest with him as he is with you, have you?” Suki asks. 

“No,” Katara admits. “I haven’t.” 

“Katara -”

“Save me the lecture, Suki,” Katara snaps. “I know I shouldn’t lie to him, but we’re not kids anymore.”

Suki places a hand on Katara’s shoulder, but does not reply. She does not need to say anything, Katara already knows what Suki would say in a time like this. 

“Do you mind leaving me?” Katara asks. “I just - I need some time to think.”

“Yeah, sure,” Suki replies, dropping her hand from Katara’s shoulder. “I should probably go wake your brother up. And maybe check on Toph too.”

Katara nods as Suki gives her one last glance before walking away. 

Once Suki is gone, disappeared below deck, Katara takes another calming breath. Ember Island is closer now and Katara can almost make out the royal family’s estate situated on higher ground. Memories once again flood Katara’s mind, threatening to burst through the precarious dam she had built to keep them at bay. 

She knows Zuko is already waiting on Ember Island for everyone, having left for the estate a day or two before Sokka and Katara arrived from the South Pole to get everything situated. Ty Lee should be with him too. Suki opted to stay behind in Caldera City to wait for Sokka and Katara. Aang will be arriving later that day.

Katara is excited to be with her friends, excited to make new memories with the ones she loves, but something in her heart is telling her to stop. To run away and never come back. To hide her face away in shame. 

Shame? Why is she feeling shame? Katara has done so much in her life; she’s defeated evil and overcome her fears. What is there to be ashamed of? 

Instead of reflecting on her feelings for much longer, Katara decides that maybe it is time to anticipate seeing her friends once again. She raps her knuckles against the banister once then turns away and makes her way back down below deck. 

She wonders what destiny has in store for this time. 

* * *

“I don’t know about you guys,” Toph says as they all make their way towards the dock, “but I’m ready to spend these next few days extremely drunk.”

“ _ Toph _ ,” Katara scolds, as Sokka bursts out laughing. “You can’t spend this whole time drunk.”

“I don’t know, Katara,” Sokka says, giving Toph an affectionate punch to the arm, “but Toph’s plan sounds like a ton of fun.”

“I knew you would agree with me, Snoozles,” Toph replies, grinning widely. 

Katara locks eyes with Suki, who rolls her eyes in return. They continue to make their way down the dock, looking for whoever was sent to pick them up. Sokka and Suki lead the way, Sokka’s arm wrapped around Suki’s waist as he holds her close. As they walk next to each other, Toph reaches up and grabs Katara’s wrist. Confused, Katara looks down at the younger girl whose face is unreadable. 

“You just seem confused, Sugar Queen, that’s all,” Toph says when she senses Katara staring at her. “Don’t get all mushy, I just know you’re someone who prefers physical touch.”

“Thanks, Toph,” Katara replies, touched by the younger girl’s thoughtfulness. 

Toph just nods in return. 

“There you guys are!” 

Up ahead, Ty Lee jumps up and down, waving at the four friends to get their attention. 

“I’ve been waiting forever,” Ty Lee states when they finally make it to her. 

“Really?” Toph asks, cocking her head to the side. “Forever?”

“Okay, well a really long time then,” Ty Lee amends, giving Toph a smile. 

“Where’s Zuko?” Sokka asks, looking around. “Thought he would want to greet us after being apart for so long.”

“Oh, he’s back at the house,” Ty Lee replies, waving her hand. “You know Zuko, he wants everything to be perfect for everyone.”

“How thoughtful,” Toph mutters as Ty Lee motions for everyone to follow her. 

As the crew make their way through town, Ty Lee points out all of the different vendors and stalls, explaining in detail about the different exports that often come from the Fire Nation. 

“Usually we send out spices that are only found here in the Fire Nation,” Ty Lee explains. “That and silks and dyes.” 

“We might have to have a girls’ day and go shopping then,” Suki suggests, turning to look at Katara who just nods in reply. 

Toph just grimaces. “No thanks.”

“I like shopping!” Sokka claims indignantly.

Suki gives him a small pinch. “Okay, you can come too.”

“Good!” Sokka replies, giving Suki a kiss on the cheek. 

The closer they get to the estate, the more Katara can feel her heart beating out of her chest. Toph must feel it too, because her grip moves from Katara’s wrist to her hand. 

“You doing okay, Katara?” Toph whispers so the others don’t hear.

“No,” Katara whispers back. “I’m not. But thank you for holding my hand.”

Toph gives Katara’s hand another affectionate squeeze. “Anything for you, Katara.”

Ty Lee leads the crew up the path from the beach. Katara remembers this path like the back of her hand. She remembers the times she would slip out in the middle of the night to go to the beach, practicing her waterbending by the light of the moon. As they walk, Katara finds herself focusing on the weight of Toph’s hand in hers to help her forget about the way her heart beats erratically in her ribcage. 

“Has it gotten bigger?” Sokka asks as they enter the house, looking around as he drops his and Suki’s bags on the floor. 

“I’ve done some expansion, yeah,” says a voice from behind. 

Katara turns with the rest of them to find Zuko standing at the kitchen door, leaning up against the doorframe.

“Zuko! Buddy!” Sokka yells, running over to Zuko and practically jumping in his arms. 

“Ouch, Sokka,” Zuko replies as Sokka squeezes the life out of Zuko. Still, there is a small smile on his lips as he claps Sokka on the back in return. 

“Sorry, buddy, it’s just been a while,” Sokka states, letting go of Zuko and giving him a wide grin. 

“My turn with Sparky!” Toph exclaims, letting go of Katara’s hand and running over to Zuko. Katara watches as she wraps his arms around him and hugs him tightly. Zuko returns her hug. 

“Miss me, Toph?” Zuko teases as Toph lets go of Zuko. 

In reply, Toph punches Zuko’s stomach. 

“I deserve that,” Zuko replies, wincing in pain. 

“I’d hug you,” Suki says, “but I saw you a few days ago.”

“Fair,” Zuko replies. “Your rooms are ready by the way. Sokka and Suki, first door on the left next to the stairs. Toph, you’re at the end of the hall to the right.”

“Sweet, thanks,” Sokka replies, picking up his bags again and grabbing Suki’s hand. “Come on, babe, let’s go unpack.”

“I am  _ so glad  _ I’m far away from you two,” Toph says, following Sokka and Suki past Zuko and up the stairs. 

“Oh no, I think I’m next to them,” Ty Lee says, going up after Toph. “Great.”

As soon as Ty Lee is gone, Katara realizes that she is left alone with Zuko. 

“Hi,” she says, trying to break the silence. “Your hair got longer.”

Zuko smirks. “Yeah, it did.” 

Katara smiles awkwardly, chastising herself for commenting on Zuko’s  _ hair _ . No, ‘nice to see you’ or ‘how have you been’. Why does she suddenly feel like she can’t breathe? 

“You look as beautiful as ever,” Zuko exclaims, taking a step towards her. “Not that I’m surprised.”

Katara flushes. 

“It is good to see you, Katara,” Zuko continues. “I just hope you get to be happy for a while.”

“I hope so, too,” she replies. 

Before she knows it, Zuko’s arms are wrapped tightly around her, pulling her close to him. Katara wraps her arms around him in return, burying her face in his chest and breathing in his scent. He rests his chin on the top of her head. 

“I’m really happy you’re here, Katara,” Zuko whispers. Katara is sure there is more to his words, as they are filled with longing. “I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Zuko,” she replies. 

Their destinies aren’t meant to intertwine, yet here they stand, embraced in each other’s arms, with multiple paths laid out before them. 

* * *

Katara is in her room later that day, resting on her bed after she finished unpacking her clothes. She lies on her back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to sift through her emotions when she hears a knock at her door. 

Sitting up on the bed, she calls out, “Come in!” 

Slowly, the door opens and Aang’s head pops out from around it. Katara’s first thought is just how  _ tall  _ Aang has gotten, quickly followed by the fact that this is the first time she has seen him since their break up. 

“Can I come in?” he asks. 

Katara nods and Aang makes his way in the room, closing the door behind him. 

“Would you like to sit?” she asks, making her way to the edge of the bed closest to Aang and flinging her legs over the side so that she is now sitting on the edge. 

“Yeah, okay,” Aang agrees, taking the seat next to her. She can’t help but notice that Aang doesn’t sit too close to her. 

“How - how are you?” Katara asks. It comes out awkward, stilted, as if she is totally unprepared to see her ex-boyfriend, but Aang does not notice.

“I’m doing really well,” Aang replies, giving Katara a small smile. “Better than I have in a while, actually.”

“Not stressed about your Avatar duties?” Katara jokes, giving Aang a small poke on the arm.

“Oh, absolutely,” Aang replies, chuckling. “But I’m definitely handling them better than I used to.”

“That’s great to hear,” Katara says. “And Restorations are going well?”

“Yeah, those are great,” Aang replies. “Thanks for sending along your ideas, by the way.”

“How do you-” Katara starts to ask, but Aang just laughs. 

“Zuko told me,” Aang tells her. “He felt guilty taking your ideas without giving you any credit. Don’t worry, even when you’re not physically there, you’re there in spirit.”

Katara starts laughing too, feeling the tension loosen in her chest. 

“What about you? How have you been doing?” Aang moves a bit closer to her, bumping his shoulder to hers. 

“I’ve been going back and forth between the South and North,” Katara tells him. “Training waterbenders, learning new healing techniques, being Ambassador of the South. I’m learning so much.”

“I’m really glad you’re doing that,” Aang says. “Really, I am. I think you needed this, Katara.”

“I think so too, Aang,” Katara replies. 

Aang lets out a sigh. “Listen, Katara. Remember how we said we would reconsider our relationship? Figure out if we maybe want to try again?”

“Yes, I remember that,” Katara replies, nodding. “If that’s something you would like to do?”

“Yes,” Aang states. “I do.”

“Okay.”

Neither say anything as a knot forms in Katara’s chest, so tight she can feel it wrapping around her heart as if trying to choke the life out of her. In the years that they’ve been apart, Katara has actually never tried to reconsider her relationship with Aang. She feels guilty about not doing so, but in a way, that part of her past is dead and buried. 

“I think we’re better off apart,” Aang says suddenly, snapping Katara back to attention.

“Wait, what?” Katara asks, blinking in confusion. She was not expecting those words to come out of Aang’s mouth. 

“I just - I think - well, you’ve been so successful,” Aang stutters. “You’ve done so much for yourself, you seem so happy. I don’t want to take that away from you.”

“Aang, I -” But Katara stops. Because Aang is right, of course, but she does not want Aang to feel as though being with him would make her unhappy. 

“And honestly, Katara, I think this is good for me too,” he continues. “Remember what I said about Guru Pathik? About needing to let you go? Well, I let you go, Katara. I let you go.”

“Oh,  _ Aang _ ,” Katara cries, throwing her arms around him. She feels his body tense at first before he slowly places his arms around her. 

“I still love you, Katara,” Aang explains, “but not like that. Not anymore. I feel like I can depend on myself more, that I don’t need anyone holding my hand and telling me what to do. My spiritual journey really helped open my eyes.”

Katara pulls away and looks Aang in the eye. “If this makes you happy.”

“It does, Katara,” Aang replies. “I’m done being selfish.”

“You were never selfish, Aang,” Katara states, placing a hand on Aang’s cheek. “You were just a child. And I still love you, too.”

Aang smiles, leaning his head into Katara’s cheek. “Thank you, Katara.”

“You’re welcome, Aang.” She drops her hand from Aang’s face. “Are you ready for a few days of relaxation?”

“Oh, am I!” Aang exclaims, jumping up off the bed excitedly. Despite being twenty one years old, Aang still reminds Katara of the twelve year old boy she saved from the iceberg all those years ago. “Toph said something about getting really drunk and then trying to spar? Sounds like a terrible idea, and a way to get extremely hurt, but I want to try it.”

“Well, I’m not healing you if you make bad decisions on purpose,” Katara teases, standing up as well and giving Aang a playful shove.

He grabs his arm in mock pain, pouting at Katara. “Aw,  _ please _ ?”

Katara laughs. “Fine, I’ll think about it. But you need to promise to be careful!”

“Anything for you,” Aang replies, grinning from ear to ear. “Now come on, dinner is ready, and I’m starving.”

Katara follows Aang out of her room, laughing and shaking her head at the Avatar’s antics. 

Fate brought her to Aang, she will never forget that. And she’s glad she had the chance to be with Aang, to love him and care for him. But she is also happy that fate decided that while they cannot be together romantically, at least they will always be there for each other. 


	5. do it all again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang spends the day together before having a heart to heart on the beach at night. Feelings are shared, points are made.

Ember Island proves to be a necessary vacation for everyone. 

The day after everyone arrives is spent at the beach, spread out and together all at once. Toph and Aang spend most of their time building tiny cities in the sand; Aang’s bending has improved over the last few years, and his replica of Ba Sing Se almost rivals Toph’s, much to the younger girl’s displeasure. Sokka and Suki team up against Ty Lee and Zuko for an intense game of kuai ball as Katara sits on her towel watching.

“This isn’t fair!” Sokka exclaims as Ty Lee scores yet another point against the opposing team. “You two actually know this game!”

Ty Lee gives Zuko a high five before turning to face Sokka. “Aw, you’re just jealous you’re losing.”

“Yeah, babe,” Suki says, giving her husband a shove. “Stop being a sore loser.”

Sokka just groans in return. 

Katara takes a deep breath and lays down on her towel, closing her eyes against the harsh sunlight. She’s not really sure why she has decided not to join everyone else, but she does enjoy the feeling of relaxation that has come with being on Ember Island. She rolls over onto her stomach and buries her face in her arms. Faintly, she can hear the chaos that ensues around her as her friends continue to joke and play. 

After a few minutes, Katara hears someone come over and sit down next to her. 

“You okay there, sweetness?” Toph asks, burying her toes deep in the sand. 

Katara lifts herself up onto her elbows and looks over at Toph. “Sure, I’m okay.”

“You’re not lying,” Toph states, nodding wisely. “Seems like everything’s worked out for you?”

“As well as it could have, I guess,” Katara replies. 

Her eyes wander to Aang who is now making a mold of Momo in the sand. Momo chitters around him, as if telling Aang what to do. 

“He’s happy, you know,” Toph tells her, sensing Katara’s thoughts. “No regrets about anything. He seems freer, if that makes sense?”

“Yes, it does,” Katara replies, still watching Aang. “I’m really happy for him.”

“I’m sure he’s happy for you as well,” Toph states, giving Katara a smile. “Listen, Katara, I know you’ve been feeling really off lately, but with everything you’ve done, everything you’ve been through, I think you really deserve this break. Enjoy your time here with us.”

“I promise to do my best, Toph,” Katara laughs, rolling back over and sitting up next to Toph. “Though Aang mentioned something about getting drunk and sparring?”

“Oh, that’s for later today, don’t you worry,” Toph says wickedly, mischief in her smile. She stands up and grabs Katara’s hand. “Come on, Sugar Queen, we’re going to have some fun.”

Katara smiles and allows Toph to pull her up. Toph grins and drags Katara towards Aang who is now watching the intense game of kuai ball. 

“Come on, Sokka, you can do better than that!” Aang heckles, clapping his hands as Sokka jumps up and hits the ball over the net. “The ball skimmed the top of the net, Sokka, you have to aim higher!”

“Oh,  _ do  _ I?” Sokka challenges, placing his hands on his hips and facing Aang. “You think you’re so good, get over here and join us, then!”

“I will!” Aang replies, heading over towards Sokka and Suki. 

“Wait a minute, if you guys get Aang, then we’re uneven,” Ty Lee points out, crossing her arms and pouting. “Not fair!”

“Then I guess we get Katara,” Zuko says, shrugging his shoulders and looking over at Katara. “What do you say, Katara? You in?”

“I’ve never played before,” Katara replies, shaking her head. 

“She means yes!” Toph says, pushing Katara over to Zuko and Ty Lee’s side. 

Zuko chuckles and walks over, grabbing Katara’s hand and dragging her towards the makeshift court. “It’s really not that bad, Katara. Ty Lee and I will help you.”

“If you insist,” Katara replies. 

Zuko lets go of Katara’s hand and she cannot help but feel like reaching for him again, but she resists the urge. 

“Go stand up front,” Ty Lee informs her. “Zuko and I will cover back here!”

Katara nods and takes her place. Suki is on the other side right across from her with a smirk on her lips. 

“Ready to lose?” Suki taunts. “We’re going to kick your ass.”

“From what I’ve been hearing, I highly doubt that,” Katara replies sweetly, causing Zuko to snicker behind her. Katara feels her face go hot, but she decides to focus on Toph’s heckling to help steady herself. 

In front of her, Sokka tosses the ball in the air and aims, hitting the ball right towards Katara. Reflexively, Katara shoots up, hitting the ball as hard as she can back over the net towards Sokka. Luckily, she aimed towards Sokka’s left, and when he goes to dive at it, he misses completely. 

“See?” Katara says, sticking her tongue out at Suki, who starts laughing. 

“That’s my girl!” Zuko calls out from behind her. Katara turns and offers him a small curtsey. 

“Okay, you two, tighten up,” Ty Lee says, clapping her hands together. “One down, many more to go.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing kuai ball, changing the teams every so often to see what battles work. Toph stays on the sidelines both cheering and taunting whenever she can. Though she can’t see what’s happening, based on the tones of everyone’s voices, Toph can tell exactly who’s winning. After a few hours, and many games, the gang decide it is time to head back to the house to get ready for dinner. 

“You’re a natural, Katara,” Zuko tells her as they walk together back towards the house. “I mean, I’m not so surprised, you do always catch on to everything quickly.”

“Oh, remembering those times I used to kick your ass in battle?” Katara teases, elbowing Zuko’s side. 

He laughs and gives her a small shove. “Yes, actually. How I thought I could take you is beyond me. You’ve always been a gifted bender.”

“And you’ve always been  _ excellent  _ at tying girls to trees,” Katara replies, shoving Zuko back as he just laughs harder. 

“Low blow!” Zuko states. “But, hey, I did save you from those pirates, right?”

“You did no such thing!” Katara exclaims. “I think your memory is a bit hazy there. Must be old age.”

Zuko shakes his head, running his hand through his hair. “You just love to push my buttons, don’t you?”

“What can I say?” Katara says, shrugging at Zuko and giving him what she hopes is an innocent look. “It’s a gift.”

“Hmm,” Zuko hums as they walk into the house, everyone else already dispersed to their rooms to get ready. “You could stand to be nicer to me. It is my birthday, you know.”

“Which is why I’m being  _ extra  _ mean to you,” Katara tells him, patting his shoulder gently. “I need to keep you humble.”

“You’ve always kept me humble, Katara,” Zuko laughs. “Trust me.” 

Katara gives him a smile, which he returns. 

“Uh, anyways, I need to get ready,” Zuko tells her. “We’re heading out to town tonight, and it can get cold, so make sure you bring something to keep you warm.”

“Uh, Zuko, do you remember where I live?” Katara asks, raising her eyebrows. 

“Right, uh, yeah, well, just in case,” Zuko blushes. “Anyways, see you soon, Katara.”

“See you soon,” Katara replies, watching as Zuko heads towards the stairs. 

As soon as Zuko leaves, she hears someone open the door behind her. 

“You two were flirting up a storm,” Toph states as Katara turns around to face her. 

“We were  _ not _ ,” Katara snaps, feeling herself go hot. “We were just… talking.”

Toph smirks. “Okay, Sugar Queen, whatever you say.”

Katara scoffs. “I do say!” 

“Sure, Katara, sure,” Toph replies, shaking her head. “But I can feel your heartbeat. So either continue flirting until the sun goes down, or just get him in bed to take out all of your sexual frustrations.”

“Sprits,  _ Toph _ !” Katara exclaims, throwing her hands up. “There is nothing happening! Sure, maybe we were flirting a little bit, but sexual frustration? Come on, that’s a stretch.”

“If you say so,” Toph sings, walking by Katara and giving her a punch to the arm as she does. “We’ll see at dinner.”

Katara doesn’t reply. Toph can believe what she wants, Katara doesn’t care. 

Sighing, Katara makes her way up the stairs so she can get ready for the festivities that night. 

* * *

Ember Island at night is one of the most beautiful sights Katara has ever seen. Sure, she spent weeks on Ember Island all those years ago, but that was during a war. Her time spent on Ember Island was not filled with joy and celebration as it is now; it was filled with panic, fear, and a pending sense of doom. 

Now? Now Ember Island brings a sense of hope, of new beginnings. 

After exploring town for a few hours, Toph makes the announcement that it is time to get drunk on the beach. The others heartily agree. 

Together, they trudge back down to the beach, bottles of rice wine and firewhiskey in their hands. Zuko brings kindling with him and starts a fire that they all sit around. 

“All right, everyone,” Sokka says, standing up, holding his cup in the air. “A toast!”

“To good health!” Suki states, standing up next to Sokka. 

“To great company!” Aang adds, joining Sokka and Suki.

“To getting drunk,” Toph exclaims, taking a sip from the bottle of rice wine that she claimed for herself. 

“To Zuko!” Sokka adds, motioning with his cup towards Zuko. “May his twenty-fifth year be filled with greatness and -”

“Love!” Ty Lee states, jumping up with her own cup.

“Sure, love,” Sokka agrees. “Anyways, happy birthday, Zuko!”

“Happy birthday!” everyone shouts. Katara can see Zuko blush by the light of the fire. 

“Thanks, everyone,” Zuko mutters. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Ah, buddy, not this again,” Sokka says as he sits back down in the sand. When Suki joins him, Sokka’s arm snakes around her waist. 

“Yeah, Zuko,” Aang states. “This is your day, no being down on yourself.”

“Good feelings only!” Ty Lee adds, nodding sagely. 

“Fine, fine,” Zuko agrees. “Then what do you all have to say?”

Katara listens easily as her friends fall into simple conversation. Sokka goes into detail about the growing Southern Water Tribe, the new trade routes, the solutions to solve poverty in the ever growing nation. Next to him, Suki watches with adoration in her eyes. Toph goes into detail about her metalbending school, about the no good benders who pass through her doors only to become some of the best benders she’s ever worked with. Aang brings up his spiritual journey that he took a few years ago, everyone suddenly leaning forward to listen to Aang’s story.

“What’s the Spirit World like?” Ty Lee asks, her eyes wide with fascination. “Is it like our world?”

“The Spirit World is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen,” Aang answers. “There’s no bending in the Spirit World, so you really have to rely on instinct to get by.”

“Are Spirits scary?” Toph asks, cocking her head to the side as she fiddles with the bottle in her hand. “What are they like?”

“Not all of them are terrifying monsters who just want to destroy the world,” Aang tells her, reaching over and taking the bottle from Toph’s hand. He takes a sip before continuing. “Some are kind, offering to guide you through the Spirit World on your journey. Some are mysterious, who have been around since the beginning of time. Those are the ones you want to get to know.”

“What were you doing in the Spirit World anyways, Aang?” Sokka asks. He’s leaned up against Suki now, using her as support as his eyes start to droop. 

“Learning more about my past,” Aang tells him, handing the bottle back to Toph who has her hand outstretched. “I wanted to learn more about the Avatars who came before me. Of course, I know the most about Roku since he took me back into his past. Hey, did you guys know that Kyoshi was originally thought not to be the Avatar?”

“Yes,” Suki replies, giving Aang an encouraging smile. “That’s common knowledge amongst those of us who grew up on Kyoshi Island.”

“Well, of course  _ you  _ knew,” Aang tells her, laughing. “It was interesting to hear about. Her journey was a hard one. After Kyoshi, I moved on to Kuruk. I would say he was the most spiritual of us all, in a way. Then Yangcheng, and after her Szeto. He was extremely diplomatic.” 

“Szeto was good,” Zuko interjects. “He really helped the Fire Nation prosper during his time as Avatar. The Fire Nation used to have a celebration in order to honor Avatar Szeto.”

“Used to?” Toph asks, swigging her bottle back. 

“Yeah, my grandfather had something to do with that,” Zuko answers darkly. 

“But Zuko’s bringing it back!” Ty Lee adds, giving Zuko a warm smile. “We need to remember our traditions.” 

“That we do,” Aang agrees. “The Fire Nation is lucky to have you, Zuko.”

“Ah, well,” Zuko states, his face turning steadily red. “I mean, if it wasn’t me, then who would?”

“Guys, guys, imagine if Azula was Fire Lord,” Sokka states, breaking into giggles. “The whole nation would go to shit!”

“ _ Sokka _ ,” Suki chides, pinching her husband. 

“I mean, he’s right, isn’t he?” Zuko asks, shrugging slightly and taking a drink from his bottle. “Azula is too far gone to run a nation.”

“I thought you said she’s been getting better?” Katara asks gently, placing a hand on Zuko’s knee without thinking. 

Zuko shrugs. “Yes, but Azula’s broken. She’s been broken for as long as I can remember.” 

“Aren’t we all a little broken?” Aang adds, leaning back on his elbow. 

“I am,” Zuko states. “I know for sure I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken, Zuko,” Katara tells him stubbornly. 

“Yes, I am, Katara,” Zuko replies, placing his hand on top of hers. “But that’s okay, I don’t mind being broken.”

“Listen, even  _ I  _ can admit I’m a little broken,” Toph says, rolling the now empty bottle between the palms of her hands. “I have little to no relationship with my parents, and sometimes I push people away when I’m struggling. Simple as that.”

“But you’re working on fixing yourself,” Katara says, looking over at Toph, who just shrugs.

“I have six idtentical sisters,” Ty Lee begins, sighing softly. “I used to hate the fact that I always had to blend in with my sisters, that I was never unique enough. That’s why I joined the circus, so I would stand out.”

“But you’re a Kyoshi Warrior,” Sokka points out. “Each girl wears the same makeup, the same outfit. You all blend in if you really think about it.”

“I know!” Ty Lee exclaims. “I guess it’s part of my healing process, don’t you think?”

Sokka thinks a bit on this then nods, placing the bottle in his hand back to his lips. Suki snatches it from him and takes her own sip. 

“This conversation turned to shit,” Toph states, standing up and throwing her empty bottle down on the sand. She turns to Aang laying on the ground next to her. “What do you say, Twinkle Toes, time to drunkenly spar?” 

Aang jumps up. “Sure! Now, am I allowed to use all my bending, or only earth?”

“What do you take me for?” Toph replies, crossing her arms. “All of your bending.”

“Sweet,” Aang replies, grabbing Toph’s hand and leading her towards higher ground. 

“Be careful, you two!” Katara shouts at them, Toph and Aang’s giggling piercing the air. 

“And don’t make too much of a mess please!” Zuko adds, amusement in his voice.

“Yes mom and dad!” Toph calls back. 

She and Aang disappear into the night.

“Well, if they’re going to go beat each other up, I think I’m going to bed,” Sokka says, standing up and stretching his arms up into the air. He looks down at Suki, offers his hand, and says, “Coming?”

Suki takes his hand and pulls herself up. “Yes, I am.” 

“Here, I’ll take the empty bottles,” Sokka states, picking up the empty bottles left behind by Toph or tossed aside by the others. 

“Thanks, Sokka,” Zuko replies, handing Sokka his own empty bottle. “Good night, lovebirds.”

“Night!” Sokka and Suki exclaim as they walk away. Katara watches as they walk the opposite path of Toph and Aang towards the house.

Ty Lee looks back and forth between Katara and Zuko, catching Katara’s eye as she does. Katara watches Ty Lee’s eyes fixate on Katara’s hand still on Zuko’s knee, his hand on top of hers, and Katara pulls her hand away as if being caught doing something wrong. Ty Lee gives her a small smile and stands up. 

“Well, I think I’m going to go to bed myself,” Ty Lee tells them. 

“Right after Sokka and Suki? When you share a wall with them?” Zuko asks, smirking at Ty Lee. “Might want to wait a while.”

“Damn, you’re right,” Ty Lee replies. “Okay, I’ll find Toph and Aang, see how they’re doing.”

“Have fun,” Zuko tells her. Ty Lee gives a small wave and wanders off towards the direction of Aang and Toph, leaving Zuko and Katara alone. 

Katara shifts where she is sitting, unsure of what to say or do. She feels herself shiver a bit, whether from cold or nerves she’s not sure, but it does not go unnoticed by Zuko.

“You cold?” he asks. 

Katara nods and Zuko pats the sand next to him. Slowly, Katara crawls over to sit next to Zuko, their arms pressed together; Katara feels the heat radiating off Zuko, but he makes no motion to wrap his arms around her. 

“You really don’t think I’m broken?” Zuko asks, looking down at her, his golden eyes shining in the firelight. 

“Not in the way you think you are,” Katara replies. “Your whole life you had to fight to prove yourself, and that was unfair. You’re not perfect in no way shape or form, but you’re not the shell of someone you once were.”

Zuko sighs. “I guess not. Still, there are days I wake up feeling like I’m a total failure. It’s hard not to. I care so much about what my people think of me that sometimes I just hide my true self away so no one can break me even more.”

“That’s really sad, Zuko,” Katara tells him. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Zuko just shrugs. “What can you do?”

“I don’t know.” Katara takes a steadying breath. “I never really thought about being broken. I mean, I know I’m not perfect, I know that I’m not totally whole, but I guess I never thought about the different pieces of myself scattered across the world.”

“Well, like Aang said, we’re all a bit broken,” Zuko replies.

“I like that you’re broken,” Katara tells him. “Or that we can be broken together.”

Zuko looks down at her. “Yeah?”

Katara nods. “Sure.”

Zuko chuckles softly but doesn’t reply. Instead, he looks up at the sky, staring up at the stars above. It reminds Katara of the time on Ember Island so long ago, when he came outside to find her looking at the sky. It reminds her of how he took her hand in hers and pointed out the different constellations. 

“Are the Fire Sages still giving you problems about finding a wife?” Katara asks suddenly. She feels Zuko squirm at the question. “Sorry, that came out of nowhere.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Zuko sighs. “But yes, they are still on me for that. With each passing year, they get more persistent. If I can’t find someone I love, then they will settle for an arranged marriage, but I keep… pushing them off.”

“No one caught your eye?” 

“No,” Zuko answers. Katara feels him heating up next to her, and she glances at him to see that his face is bright red, and not from the alcohol he had consumed. 

“Hmm,” Katara hums. 

“Katara, can I tell you something?” Katara nods. “Promise not to judge?”

“Zuko, do I ever judge you?” Katara asks, bumping her shoulder to his. 

“You were literally making fun of me a few hours ago,” he tells her, bumping her in return. 

“Okay, well, I mean I don’t judge you over important shit then,” Katara replies. 

“I guess since Mai, sometimes I get really lonely, you know what I mean?” he asks. “Like, I don’t know I just want to be… wanted, sometimes.”

“I get that,” Katara says. 

“Being Fire Lord, you’re under constant scrutiny,” Zuko continues, rubbing the back of his neck. “But sometimes if you pay the guards enough, they won’t say anything about the women and men who occasionally sneak out of your chambers in the middle of the night.”

Katara feels her chest tighten. “I see.”

“Is that a problem?” Zuko asks, looking at her, eyes filled with worry. “I mean - I know sometimes men sleeping with other men - unless that’s not what you mean - I just- I find both genders-”

“Spirits, Zuko!” Katara states, grabbing his arm. “No, that’s not a problem. I understand completely. I - I really understand.”

“Really?” Zuko asks. “You do?”

Katara nods. “Sure, after Aang I got really lonely too.” 

“So what happened?”

“About three months into my stay at the North Pole, I met someone,” Katara explains, Zuko watching her intently. “His name was Nikilik. He was one of the soldiers I was training. Very handsome, very strong, and  _ very  _ persistent.”

“So?”

“He kept asking me out, and I kept denying him,” Katara continues, smiling lightly at the memory. “I finally gave in. We courted for a year, but…”

“But?” Zuko is watching her so closely Katara feels like she can’t breathe. 

“One morning, we’re laying in bed, covered in furs” Katara says, taking a deep breath, “and he asked me to marry him. It was then I realized I didn’t love him.”

“Damn,” Zuko replies, laying a hand on hers. 

“Damn,” Katara agrees. 

“Well, that’s it then,” Zuko says, “we’re broken.”

Katara laughs. “Broken together though, right?” 

“Oh yeah,” Zuko nods, “broken together.”

Katara rests her head on Zuko’s shoulder, snuggling closer to him. She feels Zuko’s head drop onto hers, his grip tightening around her hand. 

Broken together. Katara liked the sound of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rubs my grubby little hands together* bisexual Zuko
> 
> Hats off to you if you can:  
> 1\. guess which song my title came from   
> 2\. guess the lyric I stole from another song within the dialogue
> 
> Thank you to those few people who have been commenting!!


	6. before i woke up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spilling their secrets to each other, Katara and Zuko head back inside. Actions speak louder than words as secrets lay hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, I got some writer's block when writing this chapter. This was actually the scene I built this whole fic around, and yet writing it proved difficult. I've never written smut, even if this scene is tame compared to most, so I'm... tentative. 
> 
> Rated M for a reason, tags will be updated to reflect!

Katara decides that she likes sitting with Zuko, her head on his shoulder, heat radiating off of him to keep her warm. She likes staring up at the stars, their hands interlocked as they keep a silent vigil together. The fire dies out slowly, but neither of them pay any attention to it. Instead, they bathe in the moonlight. 

“Katara,” Zuko whispers after a few moments, “are you still awake?”

“Yes,” Katara whispers back. 

“Maybe we should head back?” Zuko offers. “It’s getting late.”

“What, the alcohol hitting you hard?” Katara teases. 

“It might be,” Zuko replies, grinning sheepishly. 

Katara shifts, pushing herself off of Zuko and standing up. Zuko stands up, too, a bit unsteady on his feet, grabbing on to Katara’s shoulder. 

“Careful,” Katara tells him, grabbing his arm. “Don’t fall.”

“Not when you’re here,” Zuko replies, smiling at her. It’s a knowing smile, one that tells her that his comment has multiple meanings for her to find. 

He lets go of her shoulder and adjusts himself, allowing Katara to wrap her arm around his so that it looks as if he is escorting her. 

“Ready?” Zuko asks. Katara nods and allows Zuko to lead her to the path towards the house. 

It’s quiet as they walk, the moon their only companion. Katara feels warm, and it has nothing to do with the alcohol she had earlier. She wonders what will happen next, if anything even  _ will  _ happen next. To be honest, she wasn’t expecting Zuko to pour his heart out to her, to tell her all of his deepest secrets that he could not put on paper. She really wasn’t expecting to tell Zuko about Nikilik, the man she almost married. But this is Zuko, her confidant, her best friend. He is the one she goes to when her life turns upside down. He is the one who will sit with her and hold her hand while she picks up all of her broken little pieces so she can put herself back together again. 

He is not her fate. He is not her destiny. 

She barely registers walking into the house or Zuko leading her up the stairs.

“I guess this is you,” he says when they finally stop in front of her room.Zuko’s room is just down the hall. 

“Guess so,” Katara replies, turning slightly so she can look up at him. 

Still, neither one moves. Katara’s arm is still wrapped around Zuko’s as she stares up at him, his eyes watching her curiously. 

He’s not hers, he’s not supposed to be hers. 

She was never his, she is never going to be his. 

And yet she can’t help but see his eyes fixate on her lips, or the way he slowly starts to lean forward. And she can’t help but feel herself slowly go up on her tiptoes. 

They meet halfway, his lips soft and tentative on hers. She reaches up, placing her hand on his scarred cheek, kissing him back slowly. But before she can make another move, Zuko pulls away, his forehead against hers.

“Katara…” he whispers softly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Shut up,” Katara states, pulling him in again.

This kiss is not soft. This kiss is not delicate. This kiss is desperate, an unraveling of everything they have never said to each other, of secrets kept in the dark. 

Katara’s hands work their way around Zuko’s neck, up into his hair. She feels Zuko’s hands on her waist as he pushes her against her bedroom door. 

This is not the end of the world, where he had kissed her so gently and quickly that Katara barely remembered the way his lips felt on hers. No, this kiss is hungry, and passionate, with a hint of something more.

“Katara,” he rasps when he breaks away from again. 

“You can come in you know,” she tells him, placing kisses along his scarred cheek.

He doesn’t even reply, just kisses her again, hungrily, as he pushes her against the door once more. He fiddles with the door knob, and when the door falls open the two practically fall into the room. He kicks the door closed behind him, before picking up Katara and walking towards her bed. 

“I have to say,” she states between kisses, her hands still in his hair, “I’m glad you’re not wearing your crown right now.”

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” he tells her, placing a kiss on the crook of her neck that makes her moan softly. 

“Is that what they say?” she asks. 

“I don’t know,” he replied, giving her a crooked grin. “I’m a bit drunk, and you’re beautiful, so it doesn’t matter.”

Katara giggles as Zuko places her down on the bed, leaning over her and kissing her deeply. Her hands move from around his neck, down his chest, towards his trousers. Before she can do anything, Zuko grabs her wrist, pausing slightly as he looks at her through the moonlit room. 

“Are - are you sure, Katara?” he asks her, his grip loose on her wrist. 

“Yes, Zuko,” she breathes. “Yes, I’m sure.” 

He just nods, letting go of her hand. 

And Katara’s not really sure what happens next, not sure how he works her out of her outer layers, unwrapping her sarashi wraps with precision. She watches as he shrugs off his tunic and throws it aside, and her eyes fall on the starburst scar right below his chest. He notices her staring and reaches out to grab her hand, bringing it to the scar.

“It’s never been your fault,” he whispers to her, Katara stroking the raised skin on Zuko’s chest. “I would take lightning for you over -” he brings her hand to his mouth and kisses it - “and over” - he leans forward and kisses her stomach - “and over” - he makes his way down her slowly - “and over again.”

One of her hands grips his hair, the other the sheets as he presses a slow kiss to the inside of her thigh, and Katara is practically begging him to continue. His hands grip her waist, and Katara can already feel the bruises forming. 

She feels like she is crashing, a wave of pleasure taking over her body when he is done, once he receives the reaction he was expecting from her. And slowly he is making his way back up to her, pinning her hands next to her head as he lines his hips up with hers, slowly sliding himself inside her. 

And she is saying his name over and over again, begging him to go harder, faster, deeper, her legs wrapped around his waist tightly. He’s whispering in her ear, telling her how good she feels, how he  _ wants  _ her so badly. And she wants him, she’s  _ wanted  _ him for as long as she can remember. 

But she doesn’t tell him that, just allows his fingers to interlock with hers as she feels herself unravel.

And when he finally collapses on top of her, she lets go of his hands and wraps her arms around him, holding him close. 

There are so many words left unsaid, so many words on the tips of their tongues. Instead, he just pulls himself off from on top of her, her arms falling to the side, before settling next to her. She feels his arms wrap around her, bringing her close. 

And the last thing Katara remembers before succumbing to sleep is Zuko’s heart beating in his chest .

The next morning, she doesn’t see Zuko wake up as soon as the sun comes up. She doesn’t see him stare at her longingly before carefully unwrapping his arms from around her, slowly moving away from her so that she doesn’t wake. She doesn’t see him sit at the edge of the bed, sighing into his hands, before getting up and dressing himself before tiptoeing his way out of her room, giving her one last look before closing the door softly. 

Katara doesn’t see him leave before she wakes up. Later, she will wish she did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko leaving before Katara wakes up was something that I had been planning on for a while. Now, while this fic is Katara centric, told from her POV, I decided that next chapter will be Zuko's POV, mostly because I have a funny interaction between Zuko and another character.


	7. emotional kaleidoscope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara wakes up in her bed alone and confused.

As soon as Zuko closes the door, he takes a step back, staring at the closed door in front of him, thinking of the girl he left behind in bed. He could have waited for her to wake up, could have held her for a little bit longer as he breathed in her ocean scent, but he did not. 

Because he is scared. Scared of what she will say, scared of what she will think. Katara is his friend, his best friend. She knows every single piece of his soul, knows every nook and cranny of his mind. And now his body. Their intimacy has never gone beyond lingering touches or longing stares. But now? Zuko feels as if has crossed a line with Katara, one that he can never jump back over.

Sighing, Zuko makes his way down the hallway towards the stairs to head to the kitchen. He figures a cup of tea will soothe the running of his mind. At least that’s what he hopes.

As he reaches into the cabinet for some jasmine, he notices another box of tea in the corner, one that he never had paid much attention to before. Grabbing it, he reads the label to find that it is contraceptive tea, one that he had no idea was even in his house. Though now, at a time like this, maybe whoever placed it there had some forethought. 

He boils some water using his own flames before pouring a cup for Katara, letting the tea leaves steep for a while, completely forgetting about the fact that he came downstairs to make his own tea. When it is ready, he makes his way back upstairs, being sure to go slow so as to not drop the cup in his hand. 

When he reaches Katara’s room, he takes a deep breath and opens the door as quietly as possible. Katara is still asleep as he slowly makes his way towards the bed, placing the tea on the nightstand. Again, he gives Katara one last look before walking out of the room and slowly closing the door behind him once more. 

Sighing deeply, he hears someone clear their throat behind him. Bracing himself, Zuko turns around to find himself face to face with Sokka, who is staring at him with his arms crossed, a small smirk on his face.

“You’re sneaking out of my sister’s room,” Sokka observes, lifting an eyebrow. 

Zuko looks back at the door, then back at Sokka. “So I am.”

“Why?” Sokka asks, still smirking. 

“I have no answer if I’m being completely honest,” Zuko replies, feeling himself go red. 

“Zuko, I need you to be completely honest with me,” Sokka says, uncrossing his arms and walking up to Zuko. “Did you fuck my sister?”

“ _ Sokka _ !” Zuko hisses, motioning for Sokka to lower his voice.

“I’m just asking!” Sokka teases, throwing his hands in the air. “What you and my sister do is none of my business, but if I spot you sneaking out of her room -”

“Agni, Sokka, really?” Zuko asks, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Sokka shakes his head, still smirking at Zuko. “All right, all right, I’ll back off. Just curious, is all. That’s my sister, and I need to make sure -”

“Your sister can handle herself, Sokka,” Zuko snaps. “So, whatever happened between us is between me and her.”

“So you admit it,” Sokka says, grinning triumphantly, “something  _ did  _ happen between you?”

Zuko groans. “Sokka, please.”

“Okay, okay,” Sokka exclaims, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll leave it be.”

“Why are you up so early anyways?” Zuko asks, shaking his head. “You usually sleep in when you can.”

“I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep,” Sokka shrugs. “So I laid there for a bit, and when I saw the sun I decided it was time for breakfast. You in?”

“Uh, no, I’m good,” Zuko replies. “Thanks though.”

“All right then,” Sokka says, turning away from Zuko and making his way down the hall. 

Zuko takes one last look at him before heading towards his own room, sitting on his bed deep in thought. Sokka is another factor Zuko did not think about, though it seems like Sokka really doesn’t care about what happens between Zuko and Katara. 

Deciding to deal with his emotional turmoil later, Zuko quickly changes and heads outside to the courtyard. Maybe meditating will help. 

* * *

Katara wakes up slowly, stretching her arms up, feeling the soreness of her hips and her legs. Grinning contentedly, she reaches out next to her but is surprised when all she feels are the sheets beneath her fingers. Confused, she sits up and looks down, noticing that she is alone in her bed. Looking around the room, she realizes that Zuko is not there at all. 

Her eyes fall on the cup sitting on the nightstand, causing Katara to reach for it. Sniffing it, the scent tickles her nose and she takes a tentative sip. The tea is tepid and bitter, and Katara figures she knows exactly what it is. Zuko can’t stay the night, but he can at least bring her contraceptive tea; that would work, she guesses. Sighing, she leans back in the bed and finishes drinking the tea, her thoughts swimming as she does.

When did Zuko leave?  _ Why  _ did Zuko leave? Did he regret what happened between them? Does  _ she  _ regret what happened between them? No, of course she doesn’t regret what happened. Right? 

But why exactly had she invited him inside? Was she lonely? Desperate? She has been denying her feelings for so long that she’s not even sure what she thinks anymore. 

Suddenly, Katara thinks of Aang who is staying right down the hall and a wave of guilt washes over her. There’s no need to feel guilty, she tries to remind herself. She and Aang had already decided that their relationship was done, that both had moved on. That he let her go. Besides, Katara did already have another relationship  _ before  _ their conversation even took place, so it doesn’t matter. What’s the difference between her almost marrying Nikilik and her sleeping with Zuko? 

Zuko. That’s the difference. Aang and Zuko are close friends, and have been for years, and Katara is now worried that this will put a rift in their friendship. Maybe that’s why Zuko left, so Aang would not find out? 

Shaking her head, Katara places the now empty cup on the nightstand and makes her way out of bed. She stretches a bit, then makes her way towards the mirror, noticing a purple bruise forming in the crook of her neck. She supposes she may have to find a way to hide that. Her thoughts still swimming, Katara washes and dresses, fixing her hair so that it covers the bruise on her neck. 

Before leaving the room, she grabs the empty tea cup then slowly makes her way downstairs. She’s nervous about who will be downstairs, nervous that someone will know what happened. Actually, she’s more nervous to run into Zuko ever since she woke up in her bed alone. 

Luckily, when she walks into the kitchen, she is only greeted by Suki and Ty Lee who are both sitting at the table eating breakfast.

“Morning, Katara!” Suki greets, smiling up at Katara. 

“Morning,” Katara replies, returning Suki’s smile and placing the cup on the counter along with the other dirty dishes. 

“Where did you get the tea cup?” Suki asks, her eyes narrowing as she watches Katara pick up a mango and a knife. 

“Oh, I got some tea last night before bed,” Katara lies easily, not looking at Suki. For once, she’s glad Toph is not present. “I wanted someone soothing before bed, that’s all.”

“Ah,” Suki replies, turning back to her breakfast. 

“Where are the others?” Katara asks.

“Sokka was complaining about there being no food, so he and Aang went to the market,” Suki explains, rolling her eyes. “Toph is still asleep, and I’m not sure where Zuko is actually.”

“Oh, I saw Zuko in the courtyard about half an hour ago,” Ty Lee answers, motioning towards the courtyard. “He was meditating.”

“The fact that I had no idea where he was,” Suki states, shaking her head. “I’m head of security and I haven’t had my eyes on him at all times.”

“Suki, you’re on vacation,  _ we’re  _ on vacation,” Ty Lee assures Suki, reaching over and placing a hand on Suki’s arm. “But don’t worry, I’ve been checking in on him. He’s fine.”

“Speaking of being head of security,” Suki says, now looking between Katara and Ty Lee, “Sokka and I have been talking.” 

Katara sits next to Suki with her now cut up mango. “Oh? About what?”

“Well, we’ve been apart for so long,” Suki answers, “and don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but I miss your brother. And - well - I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time I leave the Fire Nation and go to the South Pole to be with your brother. Finally start a family.”

“Suki, that’s wonderful!” Ty Lee exclaims, clapping her hands. 

Katara gives Suki a small smile. “When would this be?”

“Within the next year or so,” Suki says, grinning at Katara. “I just need to run it by Zuko.”

“Zuko has no say in what you do,” Ty Lee tells her, waving her hand. “If you want to go start a family with your husband, then go start a family with your husband.”

“I  _ would  _ like to be able to see you more than once or twice a year,” Katara comments, squeezing Suki’s arm affectionately. 

“Well, either way, we’re still talking,” Suki states, “but it would be nice. I love Sokka, and being away from him… it’s hard.”

Ty Lee and Katara just nod understanding. 

Just then, Sokka and Aang walk in, bags full of food in both of their arms. 

“Well, you boys did some shopping,” Suki comments, getting up from the table and immediately helping the two boys rifle through the bags and unpack the different fruits, vegetables, and meats.

“Never shop when you’re hungry,” Sokka says, shrugging his shoulders and placing everything out on the table.

“Sokka’s the one that was hungry, if you were all wondering,” Aang adds, rolling his eyes. 

Katara, Ty Lee, and Suki all laugh as Sokka just sticks his tongue out at Aang, who sticks his tongue out right back. 

_ Goodness,  _ Katara thinks to herself,  _ it’s like we’re all children again _ . 

In a way, it’s comforting, knowing that despite all of the war, trauma, and heartbreak they all have gone through, there is still some innocence inside them. 

Katara finishes her breakfast, then slips away from the kitchen without anyone noticing. Though she promised her friends, Suki and Toph specifically, that she would enjoy her time on Ember Island without any worries, for once she decides to break that promise. She needs somewhere to think, somewhere to figure out her feelings.

Knowing it might be a bad idea, she heads to the courtyard, the very one where Aang and Zuko used to practice their firebending before the war. The very courtyard Zuko kissed Katara -

_ No, Katara,  _ she chides,  _ no focusing on the past. _

When she finally gets outside, Zuko is not in the courtyard. Though she’s not sure what to do next, she decides she wants to head towards the beach so she can get some practice in. 

She’s just about the head over when a voice calls out, “Hey, Katara!”

Katara turns to find Sokka walking over to her. “Oh, hey, Sokka.” 

“Hey, everything okay?” Sokka asks, cocking his head slightly. “You just seemed quiet back there, and you left without saying anything.” 

“Oh, Sokka, I’m fine,” Katara lies, giving him a tight smile. “Really, I’m good. I just, you know, wanted some alone time for a bit.”

“Huh,” Sokka replies, rubbing the back of his neck. He knows something, but he’s not telling her.

“Sokka?” Katara asked, narrowing her eyes. “Are  _ you  _ okay?”

“Ah, listen, Katara,” Sokka says, scrunching his nose, “I saw Zuko leaving your room this morning.”

Katara’s heart tightens in her chest. “You did? When?”

“Uh, maybe a bit after sunrise?” Sokka answers, placing a finger to his chin in thought. “I had gotten up to eat, and Zuko was closing your door.”

Right after sunrise. So he stayed the night, but he didn’t want to face her in the morning?

“Katara? Katara?” Sokka repeats, waving his hand in front of Katara’s face and snapping her back to reality. 

“What?” Katara asks, blinking in response.

“So, you going to explain  _ why _ he was sneaking out of your room this morning?” Sokka asks. “I mean, I can guess, but you know.”

Katara groans. “It was nothing.”

Sokka arches an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

“I mean,  _ maybe  _ it was something, I don’t know,” Katara mutters. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Katara, are you okay?” Sokka asks, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Did he - did he hurt you?”

“Spirits, Sokka, no!” Katara exclaims. “No, no, he didn’t hurt me. It was - it was mutual.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Sokka asks. 

“ _ Sokka _ ,” Katara snaps, shaking Sokka’s hand off her shoulder. “You are the  _ last  _ person I want to be talking to about this.”

Sokka raises his hands in surrender. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry for prying. I just - you know - you’re my baby sister, I get worried about you, especially when you seem upset. But if you don’t want to talk to  _ me _ , then I think you know who you need to talk to.” 

Katara sighs. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just talk to him, Katara,” Sokka tells her gently. “Tell him how you feel.”

“Sokka, that’s the problem,” Katara admits, suddenly feeling ashamed. “I don’t know how I feel.”

“Then you need to tell him that too,” Sokka states. “Communication, Katara, is important. I know how much you both mean to each other, and I know how much this will eat you alive if you don’t address it.”

Sokka is right, as always. Already, Katara is starting to feel the guilt gnawing at her, telling her that she did something wrong, that she ruined the one good thing in her life that she has. 

“I’ll figure it out,” she mumbles, looking up at Sokka.

“If you need me,” he tells her, giving her a comforting pat on the arm, “you know where to find me, okay?

Katara just nods as Sokka walks away. 

She will figure it out, but she’s not really sure how. First, Katara needs to clear her mind, needs to come up with a script of what she is going to say to Zuko when she finally sees him. 

Already she has a list of questions: what does she mean to him? What did last night mean to him? Is what happened last night a mistake or a regret?

Why did he leave before she woke up? 

Was he ashamed of her? 

Katara wipes away a stubborn tear with the back of her hand, ignores the way her throat closes in response to her emotions. 

So she makes her way to the beach where she knows she can be alone, where she knows she can escape the harsh realities of her life for just a moment. 

But when she gets there, Zuko is already there, sitting on the sand facing the ocean, his knees pulled into his chest as he watches the tides gently caress the sand. 

Now or never, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big fan of angst, right here. I know I said that this chapter will explore Zuko's POV more, but I think next chapter will add a bit more to it.
> 
> Also, who doesn't love big brother Sokka? I know it may seem like he's meddling, which...in a way yes, but when he tells Katara he's going to leave it be, he will.


	8. wasn't ready for it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara finally confronts Zuko about why he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the wonderful Ilya_Boltagon commented saying that once these professional overthinkers talk about their relationship, maybe it won't be so bad. Well, if I didn't absolutely love angst, maybe you would have been right ;)

Though there is a knot forming in her stomach and her chest is so tight it is as if she cannot breathe, Katara slowly makes her way towards Zuko. 

She approaches his right side so that he can hear her coming, sitting down next to him and drawing her knees into chest, mirroring his own position. If he notices her, Zuko doesn’t say anything, just takes a deep breath and continues watching the ocean 

They sit silently for a few moments before Katara finally clears her throat, causing Zuko to look at her.

“What are you doing on the beach?” Katara asks.

“Just needed somewhere to think,” Zuko replies, shrugging a bit. “Everyone is at the house and I just felt like being alone, that’s all.”

“Oh, so that’s why you left this morning?” Katara snaps, suddenly furious with Zuko. “Last night told me you feel lonely, that you want to be  _ wanted _ , then you get what you need and all of sudden you need time alone?”

“Katara…” Zuko says softly, sighing deeply. He reaches out to touch her, but she pushes his hand away.

“No, don’t you ‘Katara’ me!” she snaps again, standing up quickly so that she is looking down at him. She sees him wince, and while she feels bad, she also feels no remorse. “You  _ left _ , Zuko. Left me alone in my bed without so much as a goodbye.”

“Katara, can you at least let me explain?” he asks, now standing up as well. 

“Explain what?” Katara retaliated, taking a step closer to Zuko. She can see his jaw clench at the retort, but he does not say anything. “Did last night even mean anything to you?”

“Did you want it to mean something?” he asks gently, once again reaching for her. When she doesn’t move to push him away, he takes her hand in his, holding it loosely as if to tell her she’s allowed to leave. 

“I don’t know, Zuko, did  _ you _ ?” she bites back. “Because if you were using me just to feel something, then no, it meant  _ nothing  _ to me. In fact, we can forget about it.”

She goes to walk away, but his hand suddenly tightens around hers, pulling her back to him. 

“Katara, no, that’s not what last night was,” he tells her, his hand gripping hers so tightly Katara winces in pain, but Zuko does not notice. “You really think I would do that to you? Really think that I would hurt you like that?”

“I don’t know, Zuko, would you?” she asks, turning away from him, his hand still holding on to hers. 

“Here’s the thing, Katara,” he states, taking his other hand and grabbing her chin so that she is now looking him in the eyes, “last night  _ did _ mean something to me. It meant so much, it  _ scares  _ me. Because you’re Katara, you’re my best friend and you’re the one constant I have in my life. Because, yes, I was lonely, and desperate, and a bit drunk last night, but you make me feel - make me - I just - so  _ whole,  _ Katara.”

Katara blinks, but doesn’t say anything in return. 

“You make me feel complete, Katara,” he continues, finally letting go of her, and running his hands through his hair. “For as long as I can remember, when I’m with you I just feel… I don’t know how to put it in words, but I just feel myself when I’m with you. And I don’t want last night to ruin that, to ruin the one good thing I have in my life.”

Katara continues to stare up at Zuko, unsure of what to say or do. She wants to be angry with him, wants to scream and yell, but she can’t find it in her heart to do so. Instead, she watches him run his hands through his hair, rub the scar on his cheek. 

“Then why did you leave?” she asks, a slight tremor in her voice that Zuko notices. 

“Because I was scared,” he sighs. “Just - scared of what you would say. What you would think.”

“What would I  _ think _ ?” Katara asks, shaking her head. 

“I spilled my guts to you last night, Katara,” he explains, sighing again. “I just didn’t want you to think I was using you to fill some broken piece I was missing.”

“Well, no offense, Zuko, but you leaving felt  _ exactly  _ like that,” Katara states. She feels herself starting to become angry again, but swallows down the hate, tries to see Zuko’s point of view. 

“I didn’t think it through,” Zuko replies, turning slightly red. “I’m sorry, Katara. Really.”

“Saying sorry doesn’t take your actions back,” she tells him. “If I really meant something to you, then this would have played out differently.”

“I - I know,” he replies, voice cracking. “I really am sorry, Katara.”

“I need time to think,” she says, turning away from Zuko and wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s my turn to be alone.”

“Katara, please,” he says, reaching out for her, but she moves just in time. 

She knows she should forgive him, understand where he is coming from, but she doesn’t. Because she meant what she said: if she means something to Zuko, then he would not have left. 

“Just… go away,” Katara begs, feeling the tears forming in her eyes. “Please.”

She hears Zuko sigh before turning away, he footsteps light against the sand. Once she is sure he is gone, Katara collapses on the sand, burying her face in her knees as she sobs. How she wishes this whole scenario played out differently, wishes that she woke up in his strong arms. 

It is then that Katara remembers what they talked about all those years ago, after Zuko sacrificed himself for her during his Agni Kai with Azula. They were scared of the future, scared of what it would bring them. But they also knew that their destinies were never meant to join, that they were never really meant to be together. 

Katara feels as if she is foraging her own path, one that will lead to her own destruction. Isn’t that what Iroh had told her so long ago? That if she tries so hard to change her fate, that she will just end up sad and alone? No, maybe not so much like that, but that is how she feels. 

Sad and alone, and very much feeling contempt towards fate and destiny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter because I feel like these two need A BIT more to think. Or someone to push them in the right direction.


	9. fingerprints on my skin, painful reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka comes to Katara's aid once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Yes, Zuko and Katara will definitely figure out their feelings in chapter 9  
> Me, as I'm writing: No, no, we need more big brother Sokka to make Katara think more because she is STUBBORN.

The next couple of days, Katara and Zuko do their best to act civil towards each other so that no one senses anything wrong between them. 

Well, there are two people who understand the tension between Katara and Zuko, though for two completely different reasons. Toph can sense every raising heartbeat, every slight inclination of their voices when they speak to each other. Sokka had seen and spoken to them both, and he is able to sense that their conversation did not go particularly well. Still, despite the fact that both Toph and Sokka suspect something is up, neither say anything to either Katara or Zuko; well, not until the last day before they go their separate ways once more.

Katara is in her room packing her bag, folding her clothes and stuffing them in her bag, trying to prepare herself for the frigid cold of the South Pole after enjoying the hot sun against her skin. As she paces back and forth, she does her best to dispel the sinking feeling in her stomach that today will be the last day she sees all of her friends for a long time. This might be the last time she sees Zuko for a while.

_ No _ , Katara tells herself. Maybe not seeing Zuko for a while will be good for both of them. Right? 

Taking a deep breath, she continues packing, trying to push her thoughts away. She could do without the distractions, especially those that continue to plague her mind.

While her back is turned, she hears a knock on her door.

“Who is it?” she calls back, shoving a dress into her bag.

“It’s me,” comes Sokka’s voice from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

Katara sighs but goes to the door, opening it wide for Sokka to come in. Immediately, he makes his way to the bed and sits, staring at Katara with concentration. 

“What is it, Sokka?” Katara asks, going to stand in front of him and crossing her arms.

“Nothing, it’s just you’ve been really… passive these past couple days,” Sokka comments, giving Katara a small shrug. “And so has Zuko, so I’m assuming you guys talked.”

“We did,” Katara confirms. 

“And I’m assuming it didn’t go well,” Sokka adds. When Katara nods, Sokka’s lips quirk upwards slightly, as if he was expecting the answer he received. “What happened?”

“You already know what happened,” Katara replies, starting to pace around the room to avoid looking at Sokka any longer. For some reason, she finds that she cannot face her brother.

“Yes, yes, you slept together, I’m past that,” Sokka states, pretending to shudder as if trying to make Katara laugh. Unfortunately for Sokka, Katara does not react the way he wants her to. 

“Good, because I’m an adult and I can sleep with whoever I want to sleep with,” Katara notes, biting her thumb nail as she continues pacing. 

“Katara, I’m not going to shame you for having sex,” Sokka tells her, running a hand through his hair. As she passes by him, Katara notices his hair is down for once, and much longer than she remembers it being. “Anyways, that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then if you’re not here to slut shame me, then why are you here?” Katara asks, stopping in front of Sokka, arching an eyebrow as she studies him. 

“Like I said, you and Zuko have just been acting weird,” Sokka answers, raising his hands as if to say ‘this is obvious’. 

“We’ve been perfectly normal,” Katara replies, rolling her eyes. 

“Sure, normal towards the rest of us, but passive towards each other,” Sokka corrects. “Now, I said I wouldn’t meddle, but you seem - I don’t know - sad? So, I take back what I said: I’m going to meddle.”

Katara sighs and finally sits next to her brother. “Sokka, he left before I woke up.”

“What do you mean he left?” Sokka asks, adjusting himself so that he was sitting on the bed fully to look at his sister.

“Just what I said,” Katara states, adjusting herself as well, crossing her legs in front of her. “We slept together and then, when I woke up the next morning, he’s gone. Sokka, you saw him leaving.”

“I just assumed you were already awake,” Sokka admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “Damn, Katara, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.”

Katara sniffs. “Don’t be sorry, it’s his own damn fault.”

“Well, if I had known that when I saw him, I would have sent him back inside,” Sokka insists, crossing his arms. 

“Sokka, it’s fine.” Katara can’t help but to laugh lightly. Leave it to her brother to try and fix her problems. 

“So, then, what happened when you guys talked?” Sokka asks, though he shakes his head. “Ah, only if you want to tell me.”

“No, no, maybe I do need some big brother advice,” Katara replies, giving her brother a sad smile. Sokka motioned for her to continue. “Well, that night when we had the fire, after everyone left, we just began talking about life. You know, about how we’re broken people who can be broken together.”

“Aw, sweet,” Sokka interrupts, but Katara shoots him a look. “Sorry, sorry, continue.”

“I told him about Nikilik,” Katara explains. Sokka gives her shoulder a sympathetic pat. “He told me that sometimes he feels lonely, and how he can’t help but feel  _ wanted _ , especially since the Fire Sages have been begging him to marry.”

“He did say something about that the other day when he, Aang, and I were all together,” Sokka comments, now rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Not so many details, just that they keep pressuring him.”

“Yes, well we talked about that, then we sat for a bit before walking back to the house,” Katara continues, feeling herself turn red. “Then I invited him in and - well - you know what happened next.”

“I can put the pieces together,” Sokka says, scrunching his nose. 

“And then he left and I just felt - I don’t know - disposable?” Katara says, feeling tears in her eyes. “Like he got what he wanted and then decided he didn’t need me anymore. And then he told me he didn’t want me to think that, but he’s the one who  _ left _ . He left, Sokka! Sleeps with me and then walks out before I can even wake up so he doesn’t need to face me.”

Katara knows she is rambling, but she doesn’t stop. Sokka just scoots closer to her, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder and bringing her into him as she begins to cry into his chest.

“He told me he was  _ scared  _ that I would hate him, or think differently of him,” Katara cries, her hand scrunching Sokka’s tunic. “As if I wouldn’t be able to face him the next day. He tells me I make him whole, but he doesn’t  _ show  _ it.”

Sokka pats Katara’s head, and Katara can’t help but feel thankful for her brother at the moment. 

“Here’s the thing, Katara,” Sokka states. “You and Zuko are both extremely stubborn.”

“I am not!” Katara exclaims, pulling herself away from Sokka. 

Sokka laughs. “Yes, you are. Being stubborn is not always a bad thing, though. But right now, you’re letting your emotions get in the way.  _ You  _ tend to wear your heart on your sleeve, your emotions are never a guessing game. You’re happy? We all know it. You’re angry? We all know. Excited, sad, exhilarated, subdued. We know, Katara.”

“I can’t help it,” Katara grumbles.

“Katara, it’s  _ fine _ ,” Sokka assures her. “Zuko, on the other hand, bottles his emotions up, pushes them  _ way _ down so we have to watch him for a few hours to figure out what is going on inside that brain of his. Put you guys together, and well -”

He motions with his hand at Katara.

“Yes, yes, I get it,” Katara huffs, crossing her arms. 

“I’m not telling you what you need to do,” Sokka says, “but can I share an observation?”

Katara nods, arching an eyebrow at her brother.

“You two mean so much to each other,” Sokka states. “Ever since we came to Ember Island all those years ago. You were always close, always hanging out together. He helped you with your darkness, you helped him loosen up a bit. You guys have always brought out the best in each other. And, you know what? Every time he writes to the South Pole, he asks if  _ you  _ can come. Because he wants to see  _ you _ , Katara.”

Katara mulls over what Sokka has said. He’s right, of course, like he always is. Zuko has always been the one she’s gone to whenever she was upset, or needed to talk. But she hid parts of herself from him, buried them deep within herself because she didn’t want him to think any differently of her. But he did the same thing right? He hid parts of himself from her because he was scared she would judge him, view him through a different lense. 

Or did they hide these details because they were thinking of the other? Katara refused to tell Zuko about Nikilik because she didn’t want - 

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” Katara says out loud, causing Sokka to blink in confusion.

“Huh?” 

Katara shakes his head. “Sokka, we weren’t always honest with each other in our letters back and forth. I never told him about Nikilik, there were some parts of himself that he didn’t share with me. Like, when he and Mai broke up, I didn’t find out for almost a year later.”

“Okay, why?” Sokka asks, cocking an eyebrow. “You’ve never hidden secrets from each other.”

“Because, Sokka, we were too scared to hurt the other’s feelings,” Katara explains, the realization finally clicking. “Because, years ago, we made our choices, went two different paths. We both promised each other we were not each other’s fate.”

“Well, no offense, Katara, but that’s shit,” Sokka exclaims, reaching over and squeezing Katara’s shoulder. “Let me guess: Zuko assumed he would have to marry Mai, you assumed you would always be with Aang?”

“You are a very observant big brother, aren’t you?” Katara replies, giving Sokka a real smile. 

Sokka grins. “Call it big brother’s intuition.” 

“So, what should I do?” Katara asks, practically begs more like it. 

“What I told you last time,” Sokka comments, “talk to him.  _ Actually  _ talk to him. You listen to him, he listens to you. Don’t jump to conclusions. You can jump into his bed, but that’s  _ it _ !” 

“Sokka!” Katara yells, slapping her brother, but laughing nonetheless. 

“I’m just saying,” Sokka exclaims, throwing his hands up. “But seriously, Katara, I just want you to be happy. If he makes you happy, then I say go for it.”

“Are you going to talk to him too?” Katara teases, giving Sokka’s shoulder a shove.

“Nah,” Sokka replies, waving his hand. “If you kick his ass, maybe he’ll come to me.”

“Thanks, Sokka,” Katara tells him softly. “Really… thanks.”

“Like I said, I want you to be happy,” Sokka replies, making his way off the bed. “But, Katara, if you guys are so sure that fate was never on your side, then why did you forgive him all those years ago?”

Katara pauses at that. Why  _ did  _ she forgive him so long ago? She had assumed it was because he actually listened to her, actually let her seek revenge, let her make her own decisions about what she wanted to do when she faced her demons. But was that really the reason? She remembers being tired; tired of always being everyone’s emotional crutch, tired of taking care of everyone, tired of being angry with herself. Tired of being angry with Zuko. 

She remembers Ba Sing Se in the catacombs, her hand on his cheek, her thumb brushing his lips every so gently. How he closed his eyes at her touch. How utterly  _ human  _ he was towards her. 

No, Katara does not have a set reason as to why she forgave Zuko, nowhere to pinpoint exactly. There were an abundance of reasons, and she just accepted it. He worked for her forgiveness, but didn’t push her to forgive. And in the end, she found herself ready. She opened herself up to him easily, and he welcomed her with arms wide open. When she broke, he held her pieces; no, he didn’t put her back together, but he sat with her patiently as she sifted through each piece to put her puzzle back together. Maybe he still has some of her broken pieces. Maybe she still has some of his.

“Katara?” Sokka asks, poking her shoulder. “You don’t have to answer, but think about it, okay?”

Katara nods. “Yes, okay.”

“We leave tomorrow for Caldera City,” he tells her. “We’re going to be there an extra day or two before we head home. You don’t have to talk to him now, but consider it?”

“I will,” Katara replies. “Thanks again, Sokka.”

He gives her one last smile before leaving her room, closing the door shut behind him.

Katara just sits on her bed, biting at her thumb nail once again. So, she had about three more days with Zuko. She knows she has time to talk to him, but now she needs to figure out what to say to him. 

One, he needs to know that he hurt her. 

Two, he needs to know that that night  _ did  _ actually mean something to her. She wanted him, and he wanted her, and they ended up tangled up together in her bed. 

Third, he needs to know that he means just as much to her as she supposedly does to him. He has to know, though, right?

Last, he needs to know - 

_ No, no, Katara. You’re not ready to tell him that just yet.  _

But she is ready to face her fate head on. 

She takes a quivering breath and stands up, making her way out of her room. 

Suki spots her in the hallway and grabs her hand, ushering her down the stairs, into the kitchen, out into the courtyard. 

“We’re having a girls’ night,” Suki explains, pulling Katara out towards the path that leads to the beach. 

Well, what’s one more day to think about what she wants to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect to see the girls' night next chapter, mixed possibly with the boys' night with Zuko, Sokka, and Aang.


	10. if i dare speak your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their girls' night, Katara, Suki, Ty Lee, and Toph discuss destiny and fate a little bit more. Katara is conflicted, though, because now she thinks her confusion about life extends farther than Zuko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I promised the boys' side of this as well, but I won't lie I got REALLY stuck with this chapter, so I decided to forgo to the boys' conversation. So I'm sorry for the late update. 
> 
> As I reviewed what I had so far, it seemed to me that Katara had more conflict within herself than just Zuko, so I want to see if I can explore than more. I don't want Katara's story to revolve only around Zuko, but it does seem like I have the red string of fate playing a role on this story without even realizing it. 
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is a bit shorter because, like I said, I got caught in a rut.

A girls’ night involving Katara, Suki, Ty Lee, and even Toph is exactly what Katara needs in order to get her mind off of everything that is happening in her silly little life. 

Together, the four girls sit around the fire, much like that first night with the whole group, rice wine in all of their hands as they exchange stories and talk gossip. 

“So you’re telling me,” Toph slurs, pointing a hand in Ty Lee’s general direction, “that you and gloomy knife girl have hooked up?”

“Her name is Mai,” Ty Lee corrects, “but  _ yes _ , we have indeed- as you put it- hooked up.” 

“The Firelord’s ex!” Toph exclaims, starting to laugh. “And how does Sparky feel about that?”

“I don’t really think he cares to be honest,” Ty Lee replies, though Katara can see her slowly turning red as the younger girl laughs joyfully. Looking at Toph, Ty Lee chides, “Oh, Toph, be an adult.”

“So, wait wait wait,” Toph continues, wiping a tear from her eye. “Are you guys still together?” 

Ty Lee shrugs. “Hard to say.”

“Hard to say?” Suki repeats, raising an eyebrow at her fellow Kyoshi Warrior. “What does that mean?”

“Mai’s been traveling around the world on her own,” Ty Lee explains. “So, really, we only get together when she visits home.”

“Ouch,” Suki winces. “I’m sorry, that sucks.”

Ty Lee shrugs. “Yes, well, who knows what could happen. We’re still young, right?”

“Too true,” Toph states, leaning back on her elbow, her cup of rice wine held tightly in her hand. 

“Anyone in your life, Toph?” Suki asks, looking over at Toph who just shrugs.

“Oh a shrug,” Ty Lee comments, grinning at Suki and Katara.

“Don’t get excited,” Toph exclaims. “I’ve met people, but I never stayed with them.”

“Wait, Toph,” Katara cuts in, starting to laugh, “you’ve met people?”

“None of your business,” Toph replies, lifting her chin up.

“So you get to harass me, but we can’t harass you?” Ty Lee pouts. 

“Sounds right,” Toph replies, taking a drink of her wine. 

“Totally unfair,” Suki adds, making eye contact with Katara. Together, they raise their own cups to their lips.

“Well, if we want to talk about relationships,” Toph smirks, this time turning towards Katara, “we can talk about Sugar Queen and Sparky.”

Katara chokes on her wine. “Excuse me?”

“ _ Toph _ !” Suki snaps, hitting her forehead with her hand. “You can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Toph asks, her voice going high due to the alcohol. “We all sense their tension, don’t we?”

Suki looks at Katara and rolls her eyes, but Katara looks away. 

“Toph, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Suki tells the younger girl, coming to Katara’s defense. Of course, she and Suki had already talked about Zuko on the way over to Ember Island. 

“Maybe she does,” Katara whispers, placing her cup down on the sand and pulling her knees to her chest.

Ty Lee and Suki look at her while Toph just raises an eyebrow.

“Please explain, Sugar Queen,” Toph exclaims, waving her hand towards Katara. 

“ _ Only  _ if you want to,” Suki emphasizes, shooting Toph a dirty look that she doesn’t see. 

Katara just sighs. “I really don’t know what you guys want me to say.”

“Katara, did something happen?” Suki asks, reaching over and placing a hand on Katara’s arm. 

Unsure of what to do, Katara picks up her cup and takes another sip of her wine before making eye contact with Suki. Taking a deep breath, she explains everything that’s happened between her and Zuko. Of course, Suki already knows most of the story, of the letters written back and forth the last few years, Zuko’s wish of not dying with regrets, Katara’s conflicting emotions. But the rest of the story is uncharted territory, causing both Suki and Ty Lee to raise their eyebrows in surprise and for Toph to smile smugly as she listens to Katara tell her story. And yet, when Katara mentions the part where Zuko left her, all three girls wince in reply. 

Katara does her best to explain her earlier conversation with Zuko, what he said to her and how he felt, but she can see Suki’s eyebrows furrow as she continues. 

“Katara, that man is head over heels crazy for you,” Suki states, shaking her head. “He wears his heart on his sleeve, none of this makes any sense.”

“You think I understand it any better?” Katara asks. Her cup of wine now sits empty on the sand next to her as she rests her chin on her knees drawn to her chest. 

“So, what, he says he doesn’t want to die with regrets, but then basically says he regrets sleeping with you?” Toph adds, moving closer to Katara so that she is sitting next to her. 

“Toph, that’s not what he said at all,” Suki replies, looking up at Katara who just shrugs. “At least, I hope that’s not it.”

“Years ago, we both chose to go on separate paths,” Katara tells them, all three girls paying close attention. “We both thought that our destinies were already laid out for us, but maybe that whole thing was just… bullshit.”

“You think?” Toph exclaims, reaching over and punching Katara’s arm. “Fate and destiny are not permanent, but they’re more like a guideline if you think about it. You can choose either path fate made for you, but you won’t know which path you chose until you take it.”

“Have you been hanging out with Iroh?” Katara teases, feeling herself smile as she rubs her now sore arm. 

Toph shrugs. “Hey, sometimes when I need a listening ear, the old man knows exactly what to say.”

“Still, Toph has a point,” Ty Lee says, “you really don’t know which path you’re on until you reach your destination.”

“Do you think you can change your path?” Katara asks, looking over at Ty Lee.

The other girl taps her chin thoughtfully for a bit before saying, “Maybe, but you might not know that you did.”

“Yeah, like, you  _ think  _ you’re on the right path the whole time, but due to an action you took a while ago, you don’t realize you’re actually on a whole new path that was laid out for you,” Suki comments, looking at Ty Lee who nods in agreement. 

“Do you think when I broke up with Aang, I started going down a new path?” Katara asks, her brows furrowed in thought as she reflects on Suki’s comment. Honestly, it leaves her thoughts swimming in confusion/ 

“Definitely,” the other three girls chorus. 

Of course, that has to be it, right? Various paths were laid before Katara and she made her choice when she was a child. The first option she chose was the one she thought was best, but as time moved on, as she grew and learned, maybe she realized that the path she was so sure was the right path was actually the one that would cause her destruction. 

And why does  _ Zuko  _ have to be the one person on her mind whenever she thinks about fate and destiny? She’s happy, isn’t she? Happy to be going between the North and South Poles, happy to be training waterbenders and improving her healing abilities. Sure, she didn’t love Aang or Nikilik like she thought she did, but did those two lost loves have anything to do with where she was going?

No man will be the reason for Katara’s unhappiness, she hopes.

“You’ll figure this out,” Suki assures her. “You always do.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Katara agrees, finally stretching her legs out in front of her. “It’s silly really.”

“How you feel is not silly,” Ty Lee chides, wagging a finger at Katara. 

“Can we just change the subject?” Katara exclaims. She feels overwhelmed even though she’s surrounded by friends. Everything is too big and too small all at once. 

“Did I tell you guys I kicked Twinkle Toes’ ass the other day?” Toph must have sensed Katara’s rising heart beat, and Katara is thankful for Toph’s indulgence of her feelings.

Soon, the conversation changes to Toph and Aang’s drunken bending match turned wrestling match where it sounds like Aang went easy on Toph despite the fact that she is clearly stronger than him. 

Katara listens to her three friends converse around her, but she’s not engaged. Her thoughts swirl in her brain, going back and forth between what Toph had said and Sokka’s advice. 

Fate is strange, she remembers, and it cannot be controlled no matter how badly she wants to control it. Though Katara controls her thoughts, her actions, hell, even her relationships, she cannot control the forces of destiny. Her words and her actions can put her on her path, but that’s as far as she can go. 

Maybe this whole situation, her confusion about life, is much more than Zuko, bigger than she thought it could be? 

Guess she’ll have to find out. 


	11. hands so cold they shake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Katara have not been alone since their last conversation. With the end of their time together in sight, Zuko realizes just how badly he does not want to lose Katara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update! I was going back and forth with what I wanted to do next and where I wanted this story to go. 
> 
> The more I thought about, the more it seemed logical to me to have the next chapter from Zuko's POV. And once I started writing, I let Zuko and Katara lead me.

Zuko lays on his bed, one hand tucked under his head, the other resting upon the scar that sits just below his chest. Though it’s been years, the scar still bothers him on occasion. Getting hit with lightning had its implications, the side effects that Zuko’s had to endure. Even when he wants to forget about that night, about his sacrifice, one look at the starburst scar brings back every memory he’s tried to push away. 

Not that he wants to forget, exactly, it’s more that the memories cause him more pain for what they’re worth. 

Love pays a price, he thinks. 

Unable to sleep, Zuko sighs and sits up, swinging his legs off the bed. He runs a hand over his face, trying to decide what to do next. A few minutes ago, he thought he heard the four girls come back into the house and make their way back to their respective bedrooms. If everyone is safe in bed, secured in their rooms this late at night, Zuko figures he can go for a late night stroll without any disturbances. Maybe he should ask Ty Lee or Suki to come with him, but he really just wants to be alone.

After his disastrous conversation with Katara a few days ago, Zuko feels somewhat guilty about wanting to be alone, but he knows that he should not feel this way. He has every right to want to be alone, every right to feel broken. Really he just feels guilty about pushing Katara away. 

The thing is, he meant every word he said to that night: she makes him feel whole, makes him feel safe, like he has something worth living for. But when he left that night before she woke up, he didn’t consider her feelings. 

Is he being selfish?

Zuko shakes his head at these thoughts, swatting at the air as if trying to shoo away a bothersome fly. Now is not the time to dissect every wrong move he’s ever made.

He pushes himself off the bed and heads towards his door, opening it without a second thought. As he makes his way out into the hallway, he hears a small  _ creak  _ of the floorboards causing him to pause. He looks to his right, noticing a figure standing in front of one of the rooms, frozen on the spot.

Katara.

She stares at Zuko, her eyes wide with anticipation. He swallows before making his way towards her, standing a few feet in front of her so that she can run into her bedroom if she wants. 

“I - I thought I heard all of you go to bed,” he says quietly, shuffling awkwardly on his feet. “Thought I would go for a late night walk or something.”

Katara studies Zuko, eyebrows furrowed as she does. “Without a tunic? Or shoes?”

Zuko looks down at his feet, finally noticing that they are still bare. “Well, I guess I forgot the most important tools for walking then.”

“Looks like it,” Katara replies, finally giving Zuko a soft smile. “The other three went to bed a while ago, but I stayed on the beach for a little bit longer. I wanted to… clear my head.”

“The beach is a great place to do that,” Zuko agrees.

Suddenly he remembers when he was seventeen years old, sitting around a fire with Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai as they all exchange their life stories. Zuko had been so angry then, so afraid of failing. But he’s a different person now, isn’t he? He takes on every challenge presented to him head on.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Katara’s question brings him back to the present. Once cold and rigid, Katara now seems more relaxed, taking a step closer to him.

“Do I always need an excuse as to why I can’t sleep?” he asks in return, a soft chuckle escaping as he does. 

“No, I guess not,” Katara concedes, a light flush making its way to her cheeks. 

They continue standing there, neither quite sure what to say. Katara plays with a strand of hair that sits on her shoulder, Zuko just rubs the back of his neck. Since their last conversation, they hadn’t been alone with each other, both too stubborn to discuss what had happened between them any further.

Yet they head back to Caldera City soon, and from there Katara heads back to the South Pole with Sokka. And who knows when they will see each other again.

Zuko’s heart tightens in his chest with the intimation that he might not see Katara for another few years, especially with this conflict hanging over them like a storm cloud.

“Katara, we need to talk about it, “ he says suddenly, causing Katara to jump and drop her hands to her sides. His heart races as she sighs, looking down at her feet to avoid looking him in the eyes. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle being away from you for so long without coming to some sort of resolution.”

“I know,” she mutters, taking a deep breath in. “I know.”

Without saying anything, Zuko reaches out, taking Katara’s hand in his own and holding it tightly. Her hand is cold, and he can’t help but notice that Katara is trembling. With his other hand, he lifts her chin so that she is looking at him, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“Katara,” he says softly, his thumb stroking her jawline, “why are you trembling?”

Katara lets out a watery laugh which surprises Zuko. He’s not really sure what he said to make her laugh, but he’s happy to have made her smile.

“You don’t remember, do you?” she asks, causing Zuko to drop his hand away from her. When he shakes his head, she gives him a small smile. “All those years ago, after the Agni Kai. After you woke up, you asked me to stay with you. You were holding me so tightly, as if you thought I was going to disappear, and you - well, you asked why I was trembling.” 

“You were trembling because you were scared.” Zuko remembers now. He had been so tired, his whole body aching, but he remembers holding Katara close to him, his arms wrapped around her protectively. 

“Yes,” Katara replies easily. “Scared of you losing you.”

“Are you scared of losing me now?” he asks, pulling her forward and wrapping his arms around her, just like he always does. 

Because that's what Katara and Zuko do: they hold each other close, afraid of letting go. 

Katara, to his surprise, wraps her arms around his torso, resting her head against his chest as she does. He feels a tear fall onto his skin, but he doesn’t say anything. Tentatively, he kisses the top of Katara’s head, listening to the sound of her crying softly against him. 

“What are we doing, Katara?” Zuko feels a tear slide down his cheek. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t - I don’t know,” she cries, her arms tightening around him. “I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Katara,” he assures her, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“I lost you once, I can’t lose you again.”

Slowly, Zuko loosens his arms around Katara, placing his hands on her shoulders and pushing her away from him gently. He can see the fire in her eyes as he does, but he just shakes his head. Turning her around so that he was behind her, he opens her bedroom door in front of them and pushes her inside. 

“We’re not doing this again,” she argues, turning around to face Zuko, crossing her arms in front of her. 

“Katara, I just thought the hallway was too public of a place to have this conversation,” he tells her, closing the door behind him. He then lights one of the sconces one the wall, a dim orange hue replacing the dark. 

“Oh.” Katara drops her hands to her sides again before making her way to her bed, sitting on the edge and burying her face in her hands. 

“Why do you always have to do that?” Zuko asks, sitting next to her on the bed. 

She looks up from her hands to look at him, arching an eyebrow as she does. “Do what?”

“Act strong when you’re breaking,” he answers. “Katara, you’re allowed to break.”

“Well then why do  _ you  _ always do  _ that _ ?” she shoots back, sitting up straight. When Zuko raises his eyebrow, she scoffs. “Tell me I can break as if you know what’s best for me.”

“Katara, only you know what’s best for you,” he tells her, resting a hand on her knee. “Broken together, right?”

“Then why were you afraid of what I would think?” she retorts. “Because I’ll tell you what I think, Zuko!”

“Then tell me,” he says quietly, leaning closer to her.

Katara bites her lip and looks away.

“The only thing I’m afraid of right now is losing you,” Zuko tells her. “So, tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know, Katara.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be  _ yours _ ,” she states, her voice breaking. “That was never part of the plan. But then I remember everything you’ve done for me and I - I don’t know.”

“I think it’s time we agree that all of this talk about fate is bullshit,” Zuko replies. “Because if we keep talking about fate and destiny and whatever the hell they want from us, then we won’t get anywhere.”

Katara finally looks at him, tears in her eyes once more. She’s breaking, he realizes, and it’s all his fault.

“You’re not going to lose me again, Katara,” he continues, “I won’t let that happen.”

“Do you promise?” she asks, sniffing. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Katara, please,” he begs her, his hand now gripping her knee.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Zuko,” she whispers.

And before he knows it, she’s kissing him, her lips light on his as though asking for permission. Zuko deepens the kiss, placing a hand on the back of her head as she kisses him desperately. He lets her push him back further onto the bed, crawling into his lap as she does. 

“Then don’t make them so easy to break,” he tells her, breaking away slightly. 

But they fall into her bed once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Zuko leave again? Stay tuned!


	12. honey if you stay, i'll be forgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara wakes up early the next morning and Zuko breaks a promise he knew he couldn't keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I am posting another chapter today, does that mean I have gotten over my writer's block? Kind of. Does that mean I know where these idiots are going? No, they are in charge of their own damn stories and I am just the humble writer. 
> 
> Anyways!!! Luckily I knew where I wanted to go with this chapter, so writing it wasn't as difficult as the previous few chapters. I hope you all like where this one goes :)
> 
> Just a reminder, Katara and Zuko are *idiots* in love.

Katara is the first to wake the next morning. Heat radiates off of the body next to her, his warm breath tickles her neck. One of Zuko’s arms rests under her head, the other draped over her hip, his warm hand pressed against her bare stomach. She sighs happily, settling back into him as he breathes deeply beside her. 

_ He didn’t leave _ , she realizes as the light from the rising sun slowly creeps into the room through the window.  _ He’s still here _ .

Her heart seizes in her chest with the thought, causing her to take a shaky breath in. Slowly, she pulls away from him and rolls over so that she is facing him, propping herself on her elbow so that she can have a better look at him. His hand moves with her, settling on her hip, but the arm that laid under her head moves away from her. A stray piece of hair falls in front of his face and Katara can’t help but reach out and move it, stroking his cheek with her thumb. 

She remembers, after the Agni Kai, laying in his bed beside him as he slept, watching him breathe because she was so nervous he wouldn’t wake up. That he would suddenly stop breathing and be stolen away from this life, from  _ her _ life specifically. Katara was so scared to lose him then, and she’s so scared to lose him now. 

His advice. His hugs. His smile. His friendship. His love.

To be honest, Katara’s surprised she woke up first considering Zuko was always the first one up this past week. She wonders if it has anything to do with the fact she was nervous he would leave her again, that he would unwind himself from her and walk away without a second thought. Still, she relishes in the fact that he remained, that she has him to herself for just a few more minutes before they have to leave. 

Before they go their separate ways for who knows how long.

“Zuko,” she whispers, poking him gently on his exposed shoulder. Suddenly, she doesn’t want to be alone. 

“Hmm,” he mumbles, moving closer to her without opening his eyes.

“Wake up, Sifu Hotman,” she teases, now poking his cheek. “Come on, wake up.”

“Few more minutes,” he mutters, pushing her hand away from him which causes Katara to laugh. 

He smiles in his sleep, one that makes Katara swoon.

_ Spirits, I love him _ , she thinks suddenly. She sits up quickly, her brain foggy as the words reverberate inside her skull. 

She loves him.

Katara loves Zuko.

Always has. 

Always will.

“Katara?” She looks down, Zuko staring up at her with his eyes wide. “Are you - are you okay?”

“Fine,” she croaks, sliding back down underneath the sheets and rolling over onto her side so that she is facing him. 

He props himself up on his elbow so that he is looking down at her. With his other hand, he strokes her arm gently.

“You stayed,” she comments, feeling the goosebumps form on her flesh as he slides his fingers up and down her arm.

“I did,” he confirms, his focus solely on her.

“Why did you stay this time?” 

He pauses his movement, his fingers light against her arm as he considers her question. It’s not a particularly difficult one to answer, but she watches as he thinks, his brow furrowed. 

“You told me not to make promises that were so easy to break,” she tells him. “You stayed. You kept your promise.”

“No, I didn’t keep my promise,” he replies, moving his hand away from her and rolling over onto his back so that he was staring up at the ceiling. 

Katara swallows. “What do you mean?”

“By staying with you, I broke another promise,” he replies, turning his head so that he can look at her. 

Katara doesn’t want to ask what he means, doesn’t want him to explain his comment. For all she knows, he could be engaged to a Fire Nation woman and he decided to just not tell anyone. Jumping to conclusions has always been Katara’s forte, and she hates herself for immediately thinking of the worst case scenario, but right now, with Zuko laying beside her, it’s all she can do. 

“I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself fall in love with you,” he sighs, looking back up at the ceiling to avoid her eye. 

Katara’s breath hitches in her throat at his words and she can’t help but to stare at him. She is on his left side, his scar facing her. Slowly, she reaches out and presses her palm against it, feeling him sigh against her touch.

“Tell me what you mean,” she says softly. 

“It’s selfish,” he replies, placing a hand on top of hers, “thinking that I can fall in love with you and everything will be the same. Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’ve always loved you a little bit. Being young and so afraid of death was different, maybe I just liked the attention you gave me.”

“Zuko,” she breathes, but he continues talking. 

“Mai was safe, I didn’t have to think too hard with her,” he continues, more to himself than to Katara. “And you told me you couldn’t be mine, that you needed to live your own life, but it  _ hurt  _ letting you go. And I think losing you would hurt most of all.” 

“You’re not going to lose me, Zuko,” she assures him, repeating his words from last night back at him. 

“I already fucked up once,” he mutters, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. He runs a hand through his hair as Katara sits up next to him, bumping her shoulder against his. 

“You asked me what I was thinking last night,” Katara reminds him, grabbing his hand and interlocking their fingers together. “Do you want to know?”

“You told me not to make promises I can’t keep,” Zuko replies, staring down at their interlocked hands. 

“I did,” she confirms. “But that’s not all I was thinking about.”

“Tell me?” he asks, squeezing her hand. 

“I was going over everything I wanted to say to you in my head,” she explains. “Everything I was going to say to you when I saw you. But, when I finally saw you… my brain just stopped working.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you wanted to say right now,” Zuko suggests, adjusting his position so that he is looking at her. 

“It’s a lot,” she warns him, but he just motions for her to continue. “Okay, well, first of all, you hurt me that night when you left. And then you hurt me again when you told me you wanted to be alone. I felt disposable, but then I didn’t even listen to what you had to say.”

“Katara, that was really shitty of me and I -” Zuko starts, but Katara shushes him, causing him to close his mouth.

“I’m not done,” she states, but she gives him a small smile anyways. “When I asked you if that night meant something to you, you asked if it meant something to  _ me _ . I said no because I was angry,  _ so angry _ , with what you did, but I was lying. It meant something to me too. You mean the world to me, Zuko. I mean, you took lightning to the chest for me without hesitation. You let me cry to you when Aang and I broke up. You kept a broken girl from shattering.”

“It was still shitty of me,” he mutters. 

“Yes, it was,” she agrees. “And like I said, you can’t take back what you did.”

“I don’t blame you if you never forgive me.” He says it so softly, Katara almost misses it.

Will she ever forgive him? 

“We can move past this,” she assures him, leaning over and placing a kiss on his scarred cheek. His eyes flutter close at the tenderness, but he doesn’t say anything. 

They sit silently for a while, Zuko’s eyes still closed as Katara strokes Zuko’s thumb with her own. She can continue telling him what she’s rehearsed, but she’s afraid to admit her thoughts out loud. 

“I really hope no one else is awake,” Zuko says suddenly, his eyes open as he looks over at her. “Explaining what happened to your brother again is not how I planned my day.”

Katara starts laughing, giving Zuko a small shove as she does. “You think Sokka doesn’t have us all figured out, already? Because, trust me, he does.”

“Ugh, I am very much aware of how much he already knows,” Zuko quips, laughing along with Katara. “But we head back to Caldera City soon, so we should probably get up.” 

“Wait, Zuko,” she exclaims, pulling Zuko back to her as he tries to move off the bed. “I’m not - there’s one more thing.”

Zuko raises his eyebrow at her, but settles back down next to her. 

“It’s just, for so long I thought that we weren’t meant to be,” she explains, her heart racing. “I knew in my heart that we were always going to be in each other’s lives, but I never expected - I just thought - well, I never expected you to fall in love with me.”

“How could I not?” he asks.

“No, don’t  _ do  _ that,” she tells him, burying her face in her hands. 

“Do what?” he asks, surprised, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Katara looks up from her hands. “Remind me why I fell in love with you.” 

She watches as his mouth falls open, as his eyes widen with surprise and happiness all mixed together. But then his nose scrunches, confusion replacing giddiness. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he notes, pulling his hand away from her. 

“It’s not a bad thing,” Katara replies, sighing deeply. “It’s just -”

“Complicated,” he finishes for her, sighing as well. “Yeah, you’re right on that front.” 

Katara bites her lip, studying Zuko as he rubs the back of his neck. Just then, a loud knock comes at the door, causing both Katara and Zuko to jump.

“Katara, you awake?” Sokka yells through the door. “Time to pack up and get ready to go!”

“Yeah,” she calls back, already getting up out of bed and throwing on her dress that lay discarded on the floor from the previous night’s activities. “I’m just - I’m getting ready.”

“Okay, I’m going to check on Zuko,” Sokka calls back.

Katara turns to face Zuko who is now in the middle of pulling on his trousers. She motions towards the door frantically, but Zuko just shrugs her shoulders, unsure of what to do himself.

“Wait, Sokka!” she calls, hoping he can still hear her. Luckily, she hears his footsteps approach her room. 

“Yeah?” he asks once he is by her door. 

“Uh, I’m in here,” Zuko calls, wincing slightly. 

A beat.

“Oh,” Sokka replies, though he sounds amused. “Okay, well, get going then. I’m sure your Council members won’t like the Fire Lord being late for duty.”

Zuko just groans in reply as Sokka’s steps recede, but Katara is sure she can hear him laughing as he walks down the hall towards the stairs.

“I guess we might have to pick up this conversation later?” Zuko suggests, watching Katara get ready. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” she agrees, though she hates the thought of waiting. Already she wants to be wrapped up in Zuko’s arms once more, even if she knows that’s not possible. 

Zuko nods and makes his way towards the door.

“Wait, Zuko,” she exclaims, causing Zuko to pause and look back at her. “Promise me I won’t lose you?”

“I promise, Katara,” he replies, giving her a soft smile. 

But before leaving her alone again, he makes his way towards her and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her in as he places his lips on hers. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, allowing him to deepen the kiss. When he finally pulls away, she doesn’t want to let go, but she does. She watches as he makes his way towards the door before giving her one last fleeting look and leaving, closing the door behind him as he does. 

Love, she thinks, is just as fickle as fate.


	13. saints just swimming in their sins again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka just wants Katara to be happy, but Katara doesn't know what brings her happiness. 
> 
> When Toph begins thinking of her own destiny, Katara is sure to lsiten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew I wanted a conversation with Sokka and Katara, but I wasn't sure how to write it. I actually almost just posted just their conversation, but then Toph's story came tumbling out and I decided "Why not?" Maybe we need a break from the Zutara angst for a hot second and let Katara bond with others. 
> 
> Sorry for the long time between posts, life is hectic.

“Why is it that when you’re on a boat, you’re always on deck leaning up against the banister looking completely lost?” 

Katara turns her head to find Sokka sidling up next to her, placing his arms against the banister in a manner similar to Katara’s, facing the vast ocean that stretches out in front of them. She chuckles lightly as she elbows her brother’s ribs before once again continuing her own appreciation of the sea. 

Since everyone woke up late earlier that day, Aang offered to bring Zuko and Ty Lee back to Caldera City on Appa, leaving Katara, Suki, Sokka, and Toph on the boat back. Katara misses Zuko’s presence, but with her muddled feelings, she’s glad she has space to think. 

“Don’t know what you mean,” she quips, bending the water so far below and bringing it towards Sokka’s face. Sokka’s eyes go wide as he takes a step back, but Katara just laughs and releases the water, dropping it with a definitive  _ splash _ .

“Gee, thanks for not hitting me with a water whip,” Sokka replies, giving Katara a punch to the shoulder. When she offers him a small smile, he just sighs, placing his hands on his hips as he studies her.

“What, Sokka?” Katara asks, somewhat defensively. “Why do you think I look lost?”

“Katara, if I’m being completely honest with you, you’ve looked lost for a while now,” Sokka tells her, shaking his head. 

Katara huffs. “I guess you’re right. But can we not talk about that? I’ve had enough talk of destiny for a while.”

“Yeah, Suki told me,” Sokka states, leaning up against the banister next to Katara once again. “You know, all I want for you is to be happy.”

“I don’t know what makes me happy, anymore,” Katara admits, feeling tears stinging her eyes.

No, no, she will  _ not  _ cry again. She’s done crying, especially over something as trivial as  _ destiny  _ and  _ happiness _ . When did life become so hard?

Maybe since she was a child of war who was forced to grow up too fast? 

Next to her, Sokka sighs and places a comforting arm around her shoulders, bringing her close to him. That's what big brothers do, isn’t it? Comfort their sisters?

“Katara, it’s okay to feel a little lost sometimes,” Sokka assures her. “But you have people to help you.”

“Then can you tell me what to do?” Katara asks, her head resting on brother’s shoulder. 

“Katara, if I had all the answers, then I would certainly give them to you,” Sokka states, a sad grin on his lips. “I don’t even know what  _ I’m  _ doing half the time.”

This causes Katara to laugh, the tension in her shoulders loosening slightly. 

“You’ll figure it out,” Sokka tells her, “you always do.”

His words echo those of his wife’s from a few nights ago, but Katara just nods and pulls away from Sokka, taking a step back to look at him. He looks at her sadly, as if trying to figure out who this person is standing in front of him. Have they both changed so much in the past few years that they barely recognize each other sometimes? 

“Do you, uh, want to talk about it?” Sokka asks her. For a moment, Katara’s not sure what he’s referring to before her eyes widen and she remembers that morning, when Sokka came to her door.

“Ah, well, I don’t really know what to say,” Katara replies, feeling her cheeks flush as she looks down at her feet. 

“Okay.” Sokka rubs the back of his neck a if considering whether or not to continue the conversation. 

“Sokka,” Katara says suddenly, causing Sokka to look at her, an eyebrow arched. “I - I can’t lose him.”

“Okay,” Sokka repeats, nodding gravely. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Katara sighs. “But I know I can’t lose him again.”

“Again?” Sokka places a hand on Katara’s shoulder. 

Yes, again. The catacombs of Ba Sing Se. The Agni Kai. His coronation. Being separated for years and years. So, yes, again.

“Okay,” Sokka says a third time. “Then don’t lose him again. Because I know for a fact that Zuko’s going to fight to keep you.”

* * *

They return to Caldera City a few hours later, Suki leading the way to the palace with her pack flung over her shoulder. Sokka walks beside her making low conversation, while Toph hangs back with Katara.

“So, Sugar Queen, where are you going next?” Toph asks, bumping up against Katara. “Heading back to the South with Sokka or are you heading North?”

“I think the South for now,” Katara replies, swiping away a piece of hair that falls in front of her eyes. “What about you?”

“I’m going home,” Toph says firmly. “It’s about time I face my parents.”

Katara stops, staring at Toph in surprise. The younger girl pauses too, looking towards Katara with a look that Katara’s not sure she recognizes on the young girl’s face: sadness. 

“What made you come to that conclusion?” Katara asks, continuing to walk, Toph falling into step next to her.

“Our conversations on the beach, actually,” Toph answers, her cheeks slightly pink. “It’s stupid, because I know for a fact that my destiny involved leaving my parents and training Aang but… sometimes I miss them. Is that silly?”

“No, Toph, that’s not silly at all,” Katara states, reaching for Toph’s hand. Toph is never someone to be vulnerable, but clearly this topic has been rattling around Toph’s mind for a while. “Your destiny was to help Aang, but maybe it’s trying to tell you to reconcile with your parents?”

“Could be,” Toph says, squeezing Katara’s hand. “The other night I was thinking about what might happen if I never see them again. Do they know what I’ve done? Are they proud of me? Do they miss me? I don’t know, Katara, but it started eating me up inside and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I want them to know me, the real me. The girl who taught the Avatar earthbending, the girl who helped take down a whole fleet of Fire Nation airships, the girl who created metalbending. I want them to know how great I’m doing, but not to rub it in their faces, but to make them proud.”

Katara stops again and drops her bag on the ground to grab Toph’s other hand so that they are standing face to face, Toph’s eyes downcast and tears streaming down her face.

“Hey, you’re completely valid to be thinking this way,” Katara assures her, squeezing Toph’s hands. “You’ve grown so much in the past eight years, and it’s okay to admit that sometimes you’re struggling.”

“I hate showing weakness,” Toph mutters, letting go of one of Katara’s hands to wipe the tears from her eyes. 

“Me too,” Katara replies. “Especially in front of people I love.”

“I’m - I’m working on fixing myself,” Toph tells her, voice quavering. 

“You don’t have to be perfect,” Katara assures her. “Nobody is, not even me.”

The corners of Toph’s lips twitch. “Trust me, I know you’re not, Sugar Queen.”

“Hey!” Katara releases Toph’s hand, but she just starts laughing. Making fun of others is Toph’s coping mechanism, and Katara cannot be too mad.

“So you think I should do it?” Toph asks, lifting her eyebrows towards Katara. “You think I should try and salvage the little relationship I have with my parents?”

“If you feel it in your heart to be right, then yes,” Katara replies, “I say do it.”

Toph nods. “Okay, I’ll do it. But I don’t want to go alone.”

“I can come with you,” Katara offers, picking up her bag again and leading Toph towards the palace. Suki and Sokka had disappeared long ago; they must not have noticed that Toph and Katara stopped following them. 

Toph shakes her head. “No, Katara, that’s okay. I think you have your own soul searching to do.”

Katara doesn’t reply. Together, the two continue their trek to the palace in silence, each mulling over their own thoughts.

Neither girl knows where she will be tomorrow, next week, a couple of months, but that’s not going to stop them from living, is it? Katara supposes not, especially since both she and Toph have always been known to fight for what they wanted. 

Once they reach the palace, Katara spots Aang hanging around the main courtyard, pacing back and forth. When he hears their footsteps, he looks up, eyes brightening when he spots Katara and Toph making their way towards him. 

“Hey!” he calls, waving a hand in the air and running over. “We were wondering where you guys were.”

“Sugar Queen got sentimental,” Toph says quickly, elbowing Katara in the ribs. 

Aang looks at Katara with worry, but she just waves her hand. “I’m okay, Aang, don’t worry. Just a small moment.”

“Okay,” Aang replies slowly, now glancing at Toph. He notices the redness of her cheeks, the glassiness of her eyes, and looks up at Katara who just motions not to say anything. Instead he nods, and reaches over to the two girls, taking both of their bags in his hands. “I can walk you to your rooms. Zuko’s been in meetings since we’ve gotten back.”

“Firelord duties never end, huh?” Katara comments, following Aang inside. 

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

Aang drops Katara off in her room first, leaving her alone in her big guest room. She kicks her bag to the side and makes her way to the big bed opposite the door, settling down in the silk sheets and stretching her limbs. As she lays there, she wonders if Toph will tell Aang about their conversation, about how she wants to go home. Katara hopes she does; Toph needs someone in her corner.

And what about Katara? She and Sokka will be spending another two days in the Fire Nation before they head home to the South Pole. 

Meaning Katara has two more days to figure what she wants to do.

Now if her destiny could give her that gentle nudge Toph’s clearly gave her, Katara would really appreciate it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and reviews are appreciated ❤️


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